People who don’t drink coffee are un-American and actually large three foot tall squirrels.

Praise to thee all of God’s creatures and yes even to you Great Space Ameba that rains down you phlegm and slime of death across all of Earth, praise your waves and waves of hellish psychic vibrations and your keen sense to exploit all of humanities greatest fears, praise you for eating all of our children and radiating the survivors so no more children can be conceived, praise you for jolting us with your electric death rays that not only explode our eye balls but also strip us of our ability to metabolize alcohol, praise you for the roaming hordes of your children the smaller but still fiendishly large proteins that baffle even our smartest scientists as to how they live as they slowly dissolve everything but solid rock, praise you gentle death dealing monstrosity, praise you gentle stranger.