You ever see a gorilla eat a banana, that’s me…that’s me eating a banana.

I was thinking about The Mist last night the novella by Stephan King, what if instead of mist it was lasagna? And why are inter-dimensional creatures bad ass, what about us open a portal to helpless tasty meat puppets land? Or tiny pizza pocket people? Or ice cream monsters the size of a medium shake?

What if we found out that all trees were the arms of one big creature that spent all of its time trying to figure out how to tickle people?

What if the headless horseman was just a large sentient carrot who misunderstood on how to communicate with man? Sure, it’s a mutant that grew up by irradiated isotopes in a science lab where the techs smoked crack and watched slasher movies. Because of its size the mutant carrot was frequently used in unspeakable ways both recreationally and sexually by the lab techs. The carrot eventually escaped in an empty Starbucks Venti cappuccino cup and sneaked away into the Alaskan night where he was raised by a reclusive old timer who hated eating vegetables and ate only wolf meat. While he did not like the taste of carrots he regaled in their beauty and contributions to human philosophy, oh yeah and he was insane…he was talking to a carrot…yes it was a sentient psychic carrot that flew through the world on a carpet of magnetism and carrot slime (a slurry of dead carrot skin and bacteria)…but how would the carrot really understand English when it could barely understand the language of the carrot. I think people forget that a carrot raised in a human world is not properly socialized by being around a group of carrots or a group of humans and therefore is a misfit in both realms. And this my friends why the carrot terrorizes people in New England by riding a horse and lopping off peoples’ heads, is the carrot to blame or is it society? Hmmm, yes, I think we all know that it takes a village and maybe in this case a garden.