SarcasmoJones
Shared on Sat, 01/19/2013 - 23:15I know Festivus has come and gone but I wanted to share some stuff that bothers me:
1) Warm toilet seats. I hate sitting down to take care of business while basking in someone else's body heat.
2) People snickering when they discover that I like The Powerpuff Girls. Can't a grown man watch a cartoon without having folks laugh about it. And own a Powerpuff Girl lunchbox. And a Mojo Jojo doll. And a coin bank. And some Forza liveries. Hey, fuck you! I can hear you giggling from here...and that's just wrong. I will beat you with my Powerpuff Girls coin bank...because I don't want to dent the lunchbox.
3) Americanization of foreign names. There is a Japanese guy at work who calls himself "Nick." Nick is not his given name, he calls himself that so he doesn't have to repeat his unpronouncable real name several times a day. I say to hell with that. Make those bitches struggle through it and ignore them if they mispronounce a single syllable. I knew a guy names Luis Arguellez who went by his last name because it is hard for Texans to pronounce correctly...that guy was funny, Nick is not.
4) My dog's constant attempts to guilt me into sharing my dinner with him. I am not about to share tacos or a ham sandwich with my Basset Hound, however the dog's previous owner must have fed him from the table because I get sad eyes every time I sit down to eat. No pizza for you! You have to wait for pork chops or ribs, my little perro caliente.
5) People who do not like Joe T Garcia's. Some sawed-off Gerber baby looking motherfucker at work told me that my favorite Mexican place was "not authentic" and talked my lunch buddies into eating at a place called "Lupe's." Lupe's is a Tex-Mex cafe and they tried to dump chile con carne on my enchiladas. How the fuck is that authentic? Where is that guy from where chili is "authentic" fucking mexican food? If I want chili poured on something I'll go to the ballpark..if I want real enchiladas, I'll go to Joe T's...thanks for the hot fucking lunch tip, loser!
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Comments
Submitted by CProRacing on Sun, 01/20/2013 - 14:07
Hey I used to love PPG!!
Now its all about Handy Manny
Submitted by Rascal83 on Sun, 01/20/2013 - 19:49
I completely agree with number one. When I sit down for a shit I like to feel like that is a vrgin toilet that has been saving itself for me. I know damn well that it's not true but I can pretend.
And I didn't snicker... I downright busted out laughing. Not that you watch the show, that you own the lunchbox and the bank. I used to watch the show. That and Dexter's Lab. Loved that one. I catch shit now because I love me some spongebob.
Submitted by SarcasmoJones on Sun, 01/20/2013 - 21:19
You gotta put your change somewhere, amigo.
Submitted by Oldschool 2o4f on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 09:18
Hey, I have a Monk in Diablo3, MojoJojo!
And I still watch me some Angry Beavers! (Have recordings).
Submitted by Snuphy on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 14:50
It’s not the warmth of the seat that offends me. It’s the olfactory assault that usually accompanies that warmth. Especially at work. My coworkers’ asses, well, to be quite honest, smell like ass.
Also, I’ve been wondering lately: if upon entering my office’s mens room I can name the last person who occupied the room based on the quality of air present, have I worked in one place too long?