Working on your swing

For years sex (and the events leading up to the act) have been associated with baseball. The whole "getting to first base"" or "scoring" thing has been in use for a very long time, and it's a tired comparison to a sport that has over the years lost some of its magic. To be honest, I learned about the bases as early as middle school (though I was a naive youngster that would have loved to get a base hit, not knowing that others my age were hitting doubles or better somewhat regularly, a fact that still disturbs me to this day), but never really talked about the reference myself. Not being much of a baseball fan, I just kind of thought about it for what it was, not a clever way to tie sex into a sport analogy.

While I never caught on with the baseball I could see sex being easily portayed by a full round of golf. For instance, the term "Hole in one" speaks for itself. Getting more general, golf covers the full cycle, from dating to being married. I'll explain.

Before a round of golf, you have to make a reservation at the course that you want to play at, similar to making a reservation for that important first dinner out. As you get ready, you hope that you do well, remember to take everything you need, and don't fuck up too badly. You're hoping to have some fun, and if you get the ball in the hole, so much the better. In the back of your mind, you think about trying not to drink too much (you might have to drive home later after all), and you hope you have enough money on your debit card to cover the greens fees. The goal: Get in the hole with the fewest number of strokes. Once you get to the course, you're slightly nervous, kind of excited, and anxious to take your first swing. Some folks warm up a little with some putting, which is another metaphor that speaks for itself.

After warming up a little, maybe cracking your first beer or having a drink at the bar, you're ready to tee off and get started. Like your shots at flirting and testing her sexual interest, you're anxious to get out there and see how you're going to do. If you're not a season golfer, you can take your frist swing and completely miss. The ball is right there, laughing at you from the tee as your club whisks by, not even disturbing the grass. Gotta keep your head down, stay focused. If this happens, you're hoping you're not in a large group, as its the kind of thing that your friends will never let you live down. In this event, the test is on, seeing how you recover and how your next swing follows through. The rest of the first hole is just finding more out about your limits and generally getting a feel for the course. Sometimes you're hitting straight down the fairway, indicating it's an easy day (or night) ahead of you, while other times you're hitting out of bounds (and not making any sort of connection). In some cases, you lose your balls, and you might as well just pack up your club and go home.

After the first hole, you're starting to feel more relxed. The initial tee is out of the way, you've swung your club around a few times, and you finally got into the hole. Might not have been in the number of strokes you had hoped for, but the end result is the same. Speaking of strokes, par could be compared with the number of dates you might beed to go one before you hit the sack with your partner (ie, I think this girl you're seeing is about a par 5, and I bet $10 that you can't get an eagle).

As the day (date or relationship) wears on, and the beer maid comes by on her beer-filled cart a few times, you care a little less about the number of strokes it takes to finish a hole. Sure, you'd still like the hole in one to have bragging rights, but you've resigned youself to the fact that this isn't the day that it's going to happen. As a matter of fact, you don't think it'll ever happen, but the dream is still there. Besides, a friend-of-a-friend got one, so you know it's possible.  On top of that, regardless of how you really do, all your pas will only hear about what a rock star you are.

Other references can be made to golf, just using the terms of the game. For example, having your lie in the rough. Or being on the fringe. Of course clubs and balls and holes (those were my only three jokes through this whole blog entry). Watar hazards (a girl taking your date to the bathroom because they have something to talk about), sand traps (saying something stupid and bringing yhour progress to a grinding holt, where it's going to take swing after swing after swing to get out of the mess you've made)...

The comparisons are endless. I challenge you to come up with your own comparisons to golf and post them here in the comments of this blog entry. I'm sure there are some priceless ones that I have missed, but the important thing is to get the word out. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go work on my short game.