I kid you not...

I've reported on this blog about my cats behavior.  Long story short - one of my girlfriend's kids friends put a hole in an internal wall of my garage with his bike, as a result, one of my cats, the mother cat, got outside for a period of 24 hours or so.  Since returning, she and her son have been at odds.  Fur flying, hissing, hateful odds.  Her daughter is okay with her.  We've segregated the mother and daughter to the 2 main floors of the house.  They're fine.  We've put the son in my man cave, he's fine.  He's actually a very sweet cat.  However, any attempts to reuninte the three result in huge cat fights.  I can't tell for certain if the mom hates the son (she'll hiss at him through the door) or if he's the one terrorizing her.  From what I've read, it looks like an over the top case of redirected aggression.

I've taken them all to the vet to see if there may be any medical issues at play.  All three came through with clean bills of health.  I took the mother and son to a cat specialist.  She found nothing wrong with the cats, and couldn't offer any solution other than a prescription to Prozac.  I'm just not too keen on jamming a pill down two cat throats on a daily basis.  She did offer up a somewhat promising avenue - referring us to UGA's animal behavior department.  After much deliberation, I decided against that.  It would involve carting the cats up to Athens GA at least once a week, and could result in experimental drugs.  I don't know about any of you, but I have the feeling that an hour in the car will not result in the cats behaving normally once they arrive on campus.  I figure it will wig them out and give them more stress.  For all this talk of cats being superior beings, they sure are moody little shits.

I'm now at my next attempted solution.  Here's where "I kid you not" comes into play.  Tonight, an animal psychic will be coming to the house to "talk" to the cats and my puppy.  The idea is, he'll be able to talk to the mom and son, see what their beef is, and explain to them how I would very much like it if they could put aside their differences.  I'll be happy to address any grievances they have.  If they come to the table with demands for more wet food and catnip, then they'll get it.   To be clear, I don't believe in psychics, UFO's, ghosts, boogers, haints or men in black.  However, the way I see it is that this dude is less than 1 visit to the specialist who just wanted to stuff drugs into my kitty army.  While I have no expectation that he can actually "talk to animals", I wonder if maybe the guy is just good with animals.  He says that when he walks in, he suspects the animals will all come out to greet him.  My cats typically run (and one is behind a closed door) when the doorbell rings.  If they do come right out for him, I may just start to wonder.  My lady believes in this type of thing, and has been casually suggesting it for a while.  I want to make a deal with her, if this turns out to be a farce, then I get to go to one of those "massage parlors" and spend an equal amount on services.

As for my puppy, I just want the guy to provide me with a five minute stream of consciousness about what's going on in his demented brain.  I guess naming him Timmy ensured his downfall.

So we'll see what shakes out.  Progress?  Resolution?  Comedy Gold?  I'll let you know tomorrow.