To our Friends up North.

Happy Canada Day.

Or as we call it, Happy America-Lite Day.

You Might Be Canadian If...

• You bring a portable TV on a camping trip so that you don't miss Hockey Night.
• You can repeat the entire Molson's Canadian 'The Rant'.
• You hum David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme in the shower.
• You know that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) don't always look like that.
• You think it's normal to have a grain elevator in your backyard.
• You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean.
• You send angry letters to the CBC demanding the return of the Hinterland Who's Who spots so you can finally find out what happens to the arctic ptarmigan in winter.
• You stood in line for hours for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.
• You think Great Big Sea isn't Atlantic-centric enough.
• You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
• You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 Referendum.
• You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.
• You think Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.
• You remember "Jodie" from Today's Special and wonder why you keep seeing her reading news on the CBC.
• You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
• You think -10 C is mild weather.
• You have twins named Donovan and Bailey.
• You know the ingredients for poutine.
• You know what happens in the Evergreen Forest when Bert Raccoon wakes up.
• You dressed as Bruno Gerussi for Halloween. You spent hours sifting through garbage on the beach to prepare for the role.
• You know that the 'Extra Creamy' in Kraft Extra Creamy Dinner is 'add more milk.'
• You know the difference between real snow and "television" snow -- the white stuff that passes for snow on tv and in films.
• Someone accidentally stepped on your foot. You apologize.
• You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize.
• You pity people who haven't tasted a "beavertail".
• Your Saturday nights in the Atlantic provinces include eating beans and brown bread as you watch Hockey Night in Canada.
• You know that the Canadian Alliance is just the Reform Party with better hair.
• You know that, contrary to general belief, the Inuit have about the same amount of words for snow as do English speakers. Your favourite Inuit word for 'snow' is "navcaq" (snow formation about to collapse).
• You wonder why squirrels and seagulls somehow manage to get in every zoo exhibit (including the parking lot and squirrel and seagull exhibits).
• You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
• You only know three spices: Salt, pepper and ketchup.
• You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
• You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
• You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
• You brag to Americans: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & more, are Canadians.
• You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
• You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
• You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed".
• You live in a house with no front step, but the door is one meter up from the ground.
• Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
• You know that the four seasons means: winter, still winter, almost winter, and road work/construction.
• You know that when it's -10 degrees outside, it's a warm day.
  You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."
• You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
• "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than, "Huh?"
• You call it a BUN not a "Roll".
• Its called a WASHROOM not a lavatory or powder room or rest room.
• You have more kilometers on your snow blower than your car.
• You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.
• You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
  You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.
• At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles a meat processing plant.
• The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
• Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
• You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
• You head south to go to your cottage.
• You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
• You know which leaves make for good toilet paper.
• The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo, it's sausage making.
• You find -40C a little chilly.
• The trunk of your car doubles as a freezer.
• You attend a formal in your best clothes, your finest jeweler and your Sorrels.
• You can play road hockey on skates.
  

Consider this blog a public service on reasons why not to live in Canada.