Caught red handed!

Ok, I'm certain that I'm not the only member of 2o2p that battles his wife in a never-ending struggle of cover control during the night. On most nights, we respect a begrudged truce, and then other nights we battle like gladiators in the Colosseum. Back and forth it goes, with first ground gained by one, only to be violently tugged back during a moment of restful sleep by the other combatant.

 

But last night, she stooped to a new low! I awake in the middle of the night, after a rather bizarre dream that I can’t quite recall but can still feel like a splinter in my brain, to my head plunked flat against the cold, hard mattress. Certainly, this isn’t the first time this has happened, so I blink once as I reach over the edge of the bed to retrieve my pillow that must have fallen off. But…but…it’s not there. Could it have slid under the bed, grabbed by some hidden monster of my childhood that’s come back to haunt me yet again? Fortunately no, for myself and for the lurking monster of olden days.

 

Then the panic sets in. How on Earth will I sleep again without my trusted companion from years gone by. Wait…I know…it must have traveled down the length of the bed, get pushed over the end, and is making a break for the door. So I get up, and look down at the foot of the bed. Unfortunately, the basket of unfolded clothes is minus the pillow I was seeking.

 

There’s only one thing left to do. On goes the bathroom light, bathing the bedroom in a dim orange glow letting me see more than just faint shadows in the early morning hours. I turn to my right, and then to my left and my eyes fall on my sleeping wife. My eyes widen with a sense of utter shock as I see her there, enjoying a pleasant dream WITH MY PILLOW IN HER HAND!

 

Out of all the egregious betrayals I could be subjected to, of all the pledges I vowed to accept during our marriage rites, nothing could have prepared me for this. I find myself frozen in place, a foot and a half from her, incapable of movement. What could have driven her to this? What did I do to build up within her over the last 12 years the ability to do this to me!?!

 

Then, just as I feel my muscles start to start taking my minds command and move me towards the culprit and my precioussss, she wakes. Looking up at me with innocent eyes, she mutters “Wha?” I’m speechless…truly without words for one of the few times in my life. I can do nothing but point, point at her hand and the pillow it clutched. A puzzled look then comes to her face (that I’m positive is a ruse!), and she tosses it over her shoulder to my side of the bed, and gets up to trudge to the bathroom.

 

I run over to my side of the bed, almost spilling that basket of clothes that still mined the foot of the bed like a field of death awaiting an advancing army, and rest my head back down on the pillow. But wait…this isn’t my pillow!!!! What the hell is going on! This can’t be happening…this type of torture is barred by civilized people! I quickly swap out this imposter, and finally get my hands back on my missing friend.

 

All I can say is bliss is rarely found such as that. I settled back down, and was able to return to a pleasant few hours of sleep, and start my planning for revenge…