Beeptoid
Shared on Thu, 01/06/2011 - 20:19
Having for years wandered the lame badlands of my gaming without a clue, and not at all hip to the subtleties of social gaming, I've spent my time in the Noobatorium. Mostly for the offense of not knowing the "unspoken rules" of playing COD Blk Oops - like going neg on the KDR, camping on the edge of the spawn etc. and these rules, being unspoken of course, are not written anywhere. But I have collected these regulations from various Noobieleaks memos and sources: You'll hear them trashed in lobby chat and in your random "teammates" chatter but I think I'm starting to "get it"... these Unspoken Rules for playing COD, especially BlK Oops, and hope other Noobs might find this note helpful.
- Never use a weapon that you actually like and are good with... Other players don't like that. You could accidently shoot them any such weapon should be banned.
- Never ever use the ak74u especially with a grip and rapid fire as it should be banned or at least lamed.
- Never ever use a grenade launcher (classic Noob).
- Never use the flamethrower, nobody uses it.
- Just please, for the love of god, don't use last stand/second chance(can't remember which it is) it's waaay too effective.
- Never play unless you have a KDR avg. Of at least 2.0 for you last ten games. Only blkops experts should be in any game ever.
- If you get the kill it was brilliant playing, if someone else kills you doing the same thing it is a cheap kill.
- Apparently all the best players don't use the good weapons or perks, they just walk around the maps naked and talk everyone to death. I think it has something to do with a "prestige" level.
- Never shoot the guy who's running around with ghost perk knifing everybody. He's on a mission that has nothing to do with team play and you're playing some team co-op and his team lost - even though his KDR is 4.1.
- Only Noobs will ever cover their team's six (unless you mean to steal their kills)
- Only your KDR counts and it doesn't matter what your team is doing or if you win the match.
- Never stop moving around the map... Ever!!... People will think you're "camping". Apparently if you're not moving when making the kill you are still camping.
- Always complain if other people are actually playing.
- You're a noob until you prestige 47 times in one day.
- Never "mute" the trash troll. Always attempt to escalate the rant until no one can hear then it's ok to back out.
- Lame match performance is always due to "lag".
- If you actually like playing never ever say so... It reveals your noobatude to cruel mockery in the game lobby.
Must be lag or something so I probably left a few rules out but yeah those are the basics and you may be amused. But I am not as I have discovered that I am wrong. Wrong on all counts. Wut?
I received a secret coded message via NoobieLeaks, the author of which who has risked all to reveal the final and ultimate secret of the COD. I too risk all in this revelation, and may be damned, but here below is the message in its entirety.
Message:
You are apparently new to this and the un-spoken rules of the Prestige, not the spoken ones.
Let me explain to you the rules... spoken and unspoken:
Let me explain to you the rules... spoken and unspoken:
A) Many may go by the spoken rule and Swear by, Complain by, Insist you abide by, and suggest Treyarch evolve the game around the basic rules you've listed.
B) But most will go with the unspoken rule which says: I am not here to please you. I am here to kill you and win. I will do this by whatever means necessary.
B) But most will go with the unspoken rule which says: I am not here to please you. I am here to kill you and win. I will do this by whatever means necessary.
Therefore speak according to A) and play according to B).
End Message
Words to die by players. So, I'm startin' to get it and take pride in my inner Noob, develop that sense of Noobatude that so essential to the Noobalution. Hope this helps and the other guy takes the XD car hit.
I b a noob kill me now (drools and frags self)
- Beeptoid's blog
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Comments
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 01/06/2011 - 21:07
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Submitted by Torlacher on Sat, 01/08/2011 - 05:26