Veterans Day and a Joke for Soup

1.) Don't march...shuffle

2.) After every pushup say: The power puff girls are tougher

3.) Wake up every 30 min in the middle of the night, poke your bunkmate and ask him if he just 'saw that'

4.) Whistle taps at morning muster

5.) Grind your teeth during inspection every time the RDC/TI/DI/DS bends down

6.) Sing "This old mare just ain't what she used to be" at the top of your lungs during the gas chamber

7.) Work the cafateria during service week and ask every recruit if they would like fries with that.

8.) Work the cafateria during service week and say 'and then' to every recruit repeatedly

9.) Spray paint the commander's car to look like the flag and stand saluting it until noticed

10.) Randomly scream "shoulda joined the marines" throughout your inprocessing days.

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A Russian Private, a Cuban Private, an American Private and an American Colonel are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In the Russian Army, they give us the best vodka in the world. Nowhere in the world you can find vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away...".

Saying that, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle out the window. All the others are quite impressed.

The Cuban opens a box of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In the Cuban Military, we are given the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigar and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...".

Saying that, he throws the box of havanas out the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed.

At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Colonel out...

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(Note: This was an actual letter sent to a major newspaper)

Dear Editor,

Today is Veterans Day, so I asked someone who had been in the Armed Service what he did in the military. He said, "I was in the Pacific Theater." I asked him if any other GIs were with him. He said "Yes, there were thousands of us in the Pacific Theater." I asked him how much time he spent in the Pacific Theater. He said that he was in the Pacific Theater every day for five months!

I certainly believe that our fighting men need some recreation, but I think that they don't need to be in the movie theater that long. Back in 1944, for example, our boys in uniform were having a tough time on the beaches of Norway - yet there were thousands of GIs off in the movie theater who could have been helping out. And as a Concerned American, I think it is a bit excessive for a serviceman to be at the picture show every day for five months. Of course, all Veterans were not in the Pacific Theater, and we should be proud of those who fought and who made sacrifices.

A Concerned American

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For Soup:

a marine is home on leave, in his dress blues. decides he’s gonna go to the nicest place in town. Finishing his meal, he heads to the latrine where he meets a small boy. "wow are you a real marine?" the boy asks.
"Yes I am kid you wanna wear my hat?" says the marine
"Yes, Oh Boy!" says the kid, he begins to march around with his new "cover" on. An Army ranger walks in and the kid stands stunned.
"Wow are you a real Army ranger?" the boy asks.
The ranger answers," Yes i am kid, you wanna suck my dick?"
The kid responds " oh no sir im not a real marine im only wearing his hat!" ha ha

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".

The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.

========================================================

Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first Marine he met, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The Marine said, "I do Father." The priest said, "Leave this pub right now!"

He then approached a second Marine. "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the Marine's reply. "Then leave this den of Satan!" said the priest.

Father Murphy then walked up to an old SgtMaj and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The SgtMaj replied: "No, I don't Father."

The priest looked him right in the eye and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

The SgtMaj smiled, "Oh, when I die! Why...yes Father. Shit, I thought you were getting a working party together to go right now!"

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Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the
other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a U.S.
Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After take-off, the Marine kicked off
his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the
window seat said, "I need to get up and get a Coke."

"Don't get up," said the Marine. "I'm in the aisle seat. I'll get it for
you."

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's right shoe
and spat in it.

When the Marine returned with a Coke, the other Arab said, "That looks
good. I'd really like one, too." Again, the Marine obligingly went to
fetch it. While he was gone, the other Arab picked up the Marine's left
shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and
enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his
feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on?
This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This
spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?"

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Time Limit: 3 WKS
Name: _____________________________
1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ (a) build a bridge
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (D) WRITE A PLAY!!!!

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
___ (a) Jewish
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Hindu
___ (d) Polish
___ (e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called?
___ (a) Westerners
___ (b) Southerners
___ (c) Northerners

9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton
Bush: ________________
Carter: ______________
Clinton: _____________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five:
11. Where does rain come from?
___ (a) Macy's
___ (b) a 7-11
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
___ (a) yes
___ (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
___ (a) New York
___ (b) Florida
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corporation) stand for?

20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
___ (a) B.C.
___ (b) A.D.

* You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify

* If you are stuck on any questions, you may ask the monitor for help.

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1990 - 1994