Healthy, maybe. Thankful, definitely.

I was chatting with my Mom yesterday and we got to talking about her neighbor. Her neighbor is 60 years old, has diabetes, and is on 14 medications daily due to both diabetes and the complications from diabetes. This, of course, reminded me of the fact that two of my friends have been diagnosed with diabetes (both of whom are the same age as myself), and another two of my friends appear to be on a collision course with diabetes themselves.

Myself, on the other hand, other than this panic disorder (and smoking [and the whole dentures business, forgot about that]), I feel as though I'm relatively healthy. For that, I'm thankful. Admittedly, I'd be more thankful if I could get this panic disorder under control because I cannot begin to describe how debilitating it is; I'm a hairline away from being a full blown agoraphobe. When all is said and done, however, if panic disorder is all I have to worry about right now, I consider myself lucky, especially when I see friends of mine having to worry about their blood sugar, worry about when they're due to take their medications, and across the street I can see what having diabetes for 30 years can do to someone.

I do worry because, due to my anxiety problems, I've lost jobs and been unable to actively look for work. Wendy and I live paycheck to paycheck and while we're not terribly bad off, this has had a severely negative impact on my diet. So I'm terribly petrified of getting a cholesterol test done because I have a feeling that, despite having perfect blood pressure, my LDL and Triglycerides are going to be off the charts. It doesn't help that heart disease runs deep in my family, either, I suppose.

Petrified though I may be, when I can get to see my doctor again, predominantly so I can get on Wellbutrin (aka Zyban) to quit smoking, I'm going to have him check out my cholesterol levels. If they're high like I think they are, I'd rather get them under control now than have it kill me 20 years down the line.