not much to say today

Sadly, I am stricken with grief. Well, sort of. Another one down, yeah? Poor old Billy Mays now. Michael Jackson, David Caradine, Farrah...poor Farrah....and now Billy Mays. Certainly not at all the caliber of the first three but still. So It got me thinking. If heaven exists, whatever your belief of heaven is, what is the first day like? Is it all Orientation? Is it a full on briefing of Do's and Don'ts? The Concept of Heaven, in most religions is virtually similar. Perfection, peace, virgins, the meeting of the creator, and so on. So again, I ask myself what the first day would be like. Is it a tour? Do you have to find a crystal map like Bill and Ted did? Is the concept of a day something my mortal mind will still hold onto? Does it even matter. I'd like to think that it does.

So, since I have really nothing to say, i present to you my Hypothetical first day in heaven.

Upon Arriving at the information Booth I am greeted by Gilda Radner and all of her joyous energy. She hands me a map much resembling something from Six Flags and says, "Welcome."

I walk past Bruce Lee guarding the gates, Nunchucks draped around his neck, He nods, I immediately look at the ground in fear.

off to one side I see Gideon, Sampson, a young James Coburn and young Kwai Chang Cane sparring. Bruce Lee looks over every now and again and shakes his head with the occasional chuckle.
 

Also at the gate is Edwin Hubble and Galileo holding a cardboard sign that says "Welcome Stephen Hawking!".

I tip my hat to Jack Palance doing one handed push-ups for Bettie Paige and Marilyn Monroe. They waive and giggle as Jack picks both of them up still while doing Push-ups.

I make way to the uniform booth where i am given a white robe by Ricardo Montelban, who also bids me Welcome.

I get offered a giant black Cuban cigar from Yul Brynner and Babe Ruth.

I hear Laughter from the area near the hill where the prophets Rodney Dangerfield, Milton Berle, Richard Pryor and Bill Hicks debate the meaning of Life to a crowd of Billions.

I take my free Golf Lesson from Bobby Jones and Byron Nelson.

I pass Jesus and he's all "duude...s'up? Bout time Kid." we clap hands and snap fingers a la Fresh Prince of Belaire. "pssshhh"

I get my free Guitar lesson from Johnny Cash and my singing lesson from Patsy Cline.

I walk past the Gene Roddenberry dunking booth and hear the chortles of Martin Luther and Moses as they send him swimming over and over. On the ground is Buddha rolling around laughing and saying "Aliens? really?!? Hit him again, his Thetans are drying up."

I arrive for my creative writing course with Michael Crichton featuring the guest speakers Kafka and Mark Twain.

I have lunch, prepared by Julia Chiles, with John Candy and Chris Farley.

I catch an early cocktail with John Belushi, Earnest Hemingway, and Theodore Roosevelt. The venture is cut short when Roosevelt accidentally kills the alligator Hemingway bet him to wrestle. Belushi and I collect our gambling winnings from the crowd.

I pass Yahweh holding his sides out of laughter with one hand and the book of life in the other and saying "say it again" as George Pepard says "I love it when a plan comes together." and points to the book.

I wave a hearty hello to Bob Marley and Einstein who are passing a lovely crystal bong..I laugh hard as I hear Einstein say "it's all relative maaan." and exhales a large plume of smoke.

I see Picasso painting a very nude Jane Mansfield. this is also to a crowd of Billions.

I make way to my assigned dwelling and am promptly given the tour by the designer, Frank Lloyd Wright.

Carl Sagan tells us stories of how the universe was made and what will happen to it. He then bids us good night by reading poetry from Lord Byron

Finally, day one ends with Sammy Davis Junior singing us all a lullaby featuring music by the Beatles and Jimmy Hendrix on guitar.

That sounds about perfect to me.

Cheers and have a great fucking day!

Chet Chesterson