Movie Reviews, Aug. 24

Hisssss! (Printable Version , E-mail to a Friend )
A new genre is born with Snakes on a Plane

Ever had an idea for a movie?
 
Surely you have. Everyone has.
 
I’ve had a few. I’ve never managed to write a full-length screenplay, however. I wrote a short in college--about a teenager who hires a hitman to off his dad. Dark comedy. C’mon, the dad was a real piece of work. I remember it being funny. Doesn’t mean that it actually was . . .
 
Had another idea for a screenplay. This one had a title and everything. It was called Cliché. The premise was simple. It was a detective story that took place in L.A. and everything that happened in it was a movie cliché. Archetypical characters, fruit stands, the whole nine yards. I wasn’t going to be concerned about continuity errors and there was definitely going to be some deus ex machina toward the end.
 
Basically, that’s almost exactly what Snakes on a Plane is, which sucks for me, but at least now I know the idea was sound. I’m not saying I had the idea for Snakes on a Plane . . . I’m not sure I’d claim it. I’m just saying I like the idea.
 
Normally, I wouldn’t go within 300 yards of a film called Snakes on a Plane. It’s a stupid snake movie. Steph has a thing for giant computer-animated snake movies. I don’t. I generally have a low-tolerance for stupid movies, especially stuff like Scary Movie or Date Movie. That stuff doesn’t amuse me. But that’s me.
 
What did amuse me, however, was the Snakes on a Plane marketing. I got two phone calls from Samuel L. Jackson. One of them I answered, as it looked like a call from one of my friends. The second one I missed, so I have Sam Jackson on my voice mail, threatening me if I don’t go see Snakes on a Plane (relax, Sam, I went).
 
Apparently you can go to the official Snakes on a Plane website and send your friends messages from Sam Jackson. You can do a fair amount of personalization, I gather, as Sam told me to stop writing marketing copy, quit playing video games, and grab my buddy Kevin and get to the movie. He even told me “Snakes on a Plane might just be the best movie ever made,” and that he’d come after me if I didn’t go see it.
 
Funny as hell. Nothing better than getting a personalized butt-chewing from Samuel L. Jackson. Okay, maybe getting one from R. Lee Ermey would be better. Funnier, anyway. I’m not into letting anyone yell at me in real life. But a recorded message.
 
What else? Oh yeah, there’s more. Some Snakes on a Plane trivia, for instance. The idea for Snakes on a Plane came from a happy hour discussion amongst movie producers to see who could come up with the worst idea for a film.
 
The internet public rejoiced. See, there’s some kind of perverse attraction to a truly bad movie. People are entertained by crap in that they know it’s crap and can therefore enjoy the film on that basis. Soon as word got out about the movie, and the title, the internet got behind it. Apparently, someone even suggested Sam Jackson say a line that wasn’t in the script. The line caught on. The filmmakers went back and actually re-shot a scene and added it back into the film.
 
No idea whether there’s any validity to that, but it’s a good story, eh?
 
Spending an awful lot of time talking about what appears to be a bad movie, aren’t I? Well, here’s the thing, it is bad, but it’s bad on purpose, which sort of made it good. A good time, anyway.
 
So here’s the “story.”
 
Sidewinders at 30,000 feet
 
A twentysomething thrill-seeker named Sean (Nathan Philips), sees his father murdered by Asian mafia from Los Angeles. Only they’re in Hawaii.
 
Though Sean tells no one about what he’s seen, because he’s sure the local cops are corrupt, the FBI knows he’s a witness and they send Nelville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) to protect him.
 
Nelville makes the standard deal with Sean--testify and we’ll protect you. Don’t and you’re on your own. Sean agrees, and Nelville sets up a plan to fly them back to Los Angeles on the red eye.
 
The mafia guy, having used up all his resources trying to kill Sean on the ground, does the only thing he can do. He loads up the cargo area of the plane with a couple crates full of venomous snakes and sprays all the passengers’ leis with snake pheromones. The pheromones will drive the snakes into a murderous frenzy.
 
Once the plane gets so far up and so far out, a timer releases the snakes and it’s on! Snakes everywhere. They kill the pilot. They kill the couple joining the Mile High Club in the lavatory, and then they get loose in the main cabin. Only Nelville and his tazer can save them!
 
Oh, and there’s a side story about a cop on the ground in L.A. who has to find a snake expert and enough antivenom to treat the passengers who’ve been bitten. The story goes nowhere, which is why it’s in there, after all.
 
Is it corny? Is it bad? Is it dumb as hell? Oh yeah. But the cast never lets you in on the joke. It’s sort of like watching one of the Zucker films, only done better. The gags here don’t play for laughs. They get the laughs, but nothing is ever meant as comedy, which is actually more funny than a joke. Totally deadpan.
 
What’s better still is that Sam plays Nelville like he plays all his other characters--another Jackson larger-than-life badass.
 
There are tons of problems with the film. I think all were on purpose. It revels in its inconsistencies, which really is what makes the whole thing funny. It’s 105 minutes of deadpan, of sarcasm, but without anyone breaking character.
 
And it works. It’s funny and entertaining. I had a good time. Much better than I had at Talladega Nights.
 
As it turned out, I had a good time all around at the movies last weekend. Little Miss Sunshine was actually good and a good time, though it’s not as interesting to talk about as Snakes on a Plane. Ah well. Can’t win ‘em all.
 
 
Little Miss Sunshine is basically a road trip movie, which is a genre all to itself. Most beginning screenwriters take their shot at a road trip movie. I never understood the fascination, personally. Sure, by there being a “road trip” there’s a structure already applied to the story, and the time trapped in the car provides ample moments for character development. Course, that kind of means they’re all basically the same.
 
Olive (Abigail Breslin--the little girl from Signs) gets a call from the Little Miss Sunshine competition. Apparently, she placed 2nd in a competition, and the girl who placed first can’t go to the national competition in California. It’s up to her dysfunctional family to take her.
 
The family consists of: Richard (Greg Kinnear), the father who’s decided to act like a winner because he feels like a loser. He’s come up with a nine-step plan to turn losers into winners.
 
His wife, Sheryl (Toni Collette), holds the family together. She’s relatively level-headed and she’s tired of Richard’s shenanigans.
 
She has a son from a previous marriage, Dwayne (Paul Dano), who’s taken a vow of silence until he gets into the Air Force academy. He wants to be a pilot. And he hates everyone, his family most of all. Course, he’s a teenager. They do that.
 
Richard’s father lives with them. Goes by name of Grandpa (Alan Arkin). He’s an irascible sort of guy who snorts heroin because he didn’t do it when he was younger.
 
Finally, there’s Sheryl’s brother Frank (Steve Carrell), who’s just tried to kill himself.
 
They pile into a yellow-and-white VW van and head for California. Off-color and funny things happen along the way. Though there are some tragic occurrences, it’s funny more often than not.
 
It’s a film about life’s absurdities, and though this stuff won’t happen to you, it’s enough to know it could. It’s not as touching as it thinks it is, but it’s an entertaining movie.
 
You’ll like it. Go check it out while you can. It’s not a big movie, so it won’t be around long.
 
And speaking about not being around long, this weekend, the Circle’s monthly midnight movie is This is Spinal Tap. All you Spinal Tap fans, take note. It’s your weekend to turn it to 11.
 
That’s all I have. See you next week.