Movie Reviews, May 11

Superman Can Suck It

When I went to Mission: Impossible 3 last weekend, I saw the latest Superman Returns trailer, and because of that, I’m being forced to admit something I’d rather not admit.

  It doesn’t look so bad.

  I hate eating crow, so to speak.

  Here’s the thing; I dislike Superman. I think he’s the lamest of the lame comic book characters. Loathe would be a more appropriate term.

  Goody goody alien from another planet comes to represent everything that’s good about truth, freedom and the American way just because he was raised in Kansas? Cmon.

  There’s nothing human about the guy. It’s always bugged me. I like my comic book characters a little more… human.

  You know, like Spider-man. Spider-man’s got a whole slew of problems. He doesn’t make a lot of money. People he loves are always getting hurt. And he’s motivated more by guilt than any sense of heroism. Okay, sure, his wife is a super-hot model and actress, but guy saves the world over and over again. He deserves something, right?

  At least the dude doesn’t wear his underwear on the outside of his tights. Superman… what’s up with the red underwear on the outside? And couldn’t they have been, I dunno, boxers maybe? I mean, the briefs thing, what’s up with that?

  It’s not just Superman, either. I generally don’t like DC Comics in general. It’s probably irrational, this dislike. I can’t remember the reasons for it, can’t justify it now.

  Coke not Pepsi. Chevy not Ford (or Honday not Toyota). Barnes and Noble not Borders. Bud not Coors. Xbox not Playstation.

  These things aren’t rational, are they? You’re not required to explain to anyone your rabid dislike of, well, anything.

  Right.

  Yeah, maybe I’m just making that up to bolster my irrational dislike of Superman. It’s possible. I am a writer, after all. We make stuff up from time to time.

  Bah. Either way, I don’t want to watch the film, and I’ve been telling my friends I’m not going for the past year or so. And now, looking ahead, I’m going to have to, because the other movie that opens that weekend looks like total bollocks.

  I hate it when that happens. So now I have to hope for one of two things; that it’s either a fantastic movie and not a waste of my time (‘cause I’ll give it a fair shake, my predispositions be damned), or that it’s fantastically terrible and I get to write a scathing review. I hope for one of those two things because those two things are what keep me going to the movies.

  I want a reaction to films I watch, good or bad. Because there’s nothing worse than not caring one way or the other. Apathy is the enemy*, after all (*DC Comics reference).

  What does all that have to do with this week’s movies? With the arrival of M:I-3, it’s officially Summer Movie Season and Superman Returns, unfortunately, will be one of the big releases.

  On the other hand, there’s some good stuff coming up, too. At least I hope. The DaVinci Code, Cars, Pirates of the Caribbean, X-Men: The Last Stand, A Scanner Darkly, The Lady in the Water, Miami Vice (Miami Vice?!)…

  A couple of sequels, a TV-adaptation and then some original material. Yeah, I can see some hope there. But this isn’t the summer preview. So let’s get on with the reviews at hand, shall we?

  First up, a documentary. Lost Boys of Sudan.  Basically, it’s the story of Peter and Santino, two refugees from Sudan. Sudan, at the time of the film, had been in a bloody civil war for more than 20 years. As children, Peter and Santino were forced to flee their country.

  As teenagers, they get an opportunity to go to America to work and go to school. Before they leave Africa, they think going to America is going to the Promised Land.

  They end up in Houston in an apartment complex. They begin to adapt. They find jobs, try to make ends meet. They get wrapped up in money, just like the rest of us. They have to try to balance whether to keep it for themselves or send it to their families. They have trouble paying the rent, making ends meet. They have trouble finding jobs.

  It’s basically, “Welcome to America. Good luck.”

  Peter leaves Houston for Kansas City where he finds a way to enroll in high school. More than Santino, Peter wants to get an education, and actually ends up doing very well in high school.

  It’s a touching documentary. You empathize with their plight.

  But honestly, I’m not sure what the point of it was. Was it to show that life is hard in America? We know that. Was it to illuminate us to the plight of the Lost Boys of Sudan?

  It did. Kind of. I much rather would’ve seen a documentary about the life they lead in Africa than one about their travails in this country.

  Not that it wasn’t interesting or worth watching. It was. But I don’t think it has the impact it could’ve had. It would’ve been better, perhaps, if the crew had filmed a Lost Boy back in Africa, and one of the refugees in America.

  I’m second guessing the filmmakers. I’m sure they had their reasons.

  Lost Boys of Sudan is worth checking out. There’s nothing wrong with it. Peter and Santino are charismatic subjects and their story is interesting. I just can’t help but think there was a missed opportunity here.

  If you’d like to check it out, it plays Tuesday at the Circle.

  Next up, Art School Confidential. It’s a satire of the art world and art school scene by the writer (Daniel Clowes) and director (Terry Zwigoff) of Ghost World.

  Jerome (Max Minghella) dreams of becoming the 21st century’s greatest modern artist. He thinks it’ll bring him fame, respect, money and girls.

  After scribbling his way through high school, he enrolls at the Stathmore Art School, thoroughly convinced of his talent and brilliance.

  As an aside, there’s a strangler roaming the city streets around the campus.

  Jerome believes the only thing missing from his life is a muse, or in this case, Audrey (Sophia Myles, last seen in the underrated Tristan and Isolde).

  He befriends Bardo (Joel D. Moore), the class dropout, who shows him the ropes and points out each non-conformist category their classmates fit into. He dodges his roommates and goes on a quest to win Audrey and artistic acclaim!

  Along the way, he loses his innocence and whatever appreciation he had for his fellow man. Oh, and he stops believing in the art world entirely, seeing it for the farce that it is.

  By the end, he doesn’t even care enough to show his own art. But he still gets a happy ending, of sorts.

  Huh. I didn’t really like it.

  I wanted to. I just didn’t.

  I really enjoyed Ghost World, even if Enid got on my nerves from time to time. I was hoping for a similar experience. Didn’t happen. There’s just very little to like. It looks and feels as though it’s been made by someone spurned by the art world. You know, kind of a sour grapeskind of deal.

  Jerome is kind of lame, even for a caricature. In fact, that’s not a bad way to describe the whole movie. It’s just so transparent and uninspired.

  Blech.

  So as much as I wanted to, I can’t recommend Art School Confidential. Go rent (or buy) Ghost World if you’re looking for a good version of this experience.

  And that just leaves us with M:I-3, should you choose to read on from here…

  This time we find IMF agent Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) wallowing in the depths of domestic bliss. He’s given up the life of a field agent, choosing to train new recruits, and he’s jump-up-and-down-on-Oprah’s-couch in love with his fiancée, Julia (Michelle Monaghan).

  She, of course, has no idea he’s an ex-super spy.

  So of course everything’s about to go all True Lies on him. While I was sitting there in the dark watching the film, I though, “This is like True Lies without any of the funny parts,” which isn’t a bad thing necessarily. About an hour after I got out of the movie, one of my friends sent me a text basically reinforcing the same thing I was sitting in the dark thinking.

  Again, the comparison isn’t a bad thing, it’s just that, well, we’ve already seen True Lies.

  Anyway, Ethan gets a mission. One of his trainees, Lindsey (Keri Russell), has gotten captured and the Man wants Ethan to go get her. There’s information in her head IMF needs.

  Ethan feels responsible, so he goes ahead and takes the job.

  Although exciting, things go bad for Ethan. They get Lindsey out, but she doesn’t make it. Before going, she says she needs to tell Ethan something, but never gets it out. That’ll come later in a message she mailed prior to her capture and demise (because secret agents always have premonitions about their doom and always mail intel to the protagonist).

  After they get back stateside, they get a royal butt chewing from Brassel (Lawrence Fishburne), the boss. But it seems there’s something going on and Ethan takes it upon himself to go after the man he thinks is responsible for Lindsey’s death, Owen Davian (Philip Seymour Hoffman).

  Things get more complicated from there.

  So, let’s talk turkey. Everything you want from a summer movie is here. Explosions, gadgets, double crosses, a love interest, cool spy tricks, hot cars, guns, a world-killing device… all present and accounted for. Bombastic is a good term.

  M:I-3 doesn’t feel like the other two. It’s far faster paced than the first film, and just outright better than the disaster that was the second. There are similar elements in all three films, but you’d expect that, wouldn’t you? It’s why they call them franchises, after all.

  I kinda liked it, and you know what I think Tom Cruise can go do. Yes, the backbone of the story is basically the same thing as True Lies. A secret agent tries to do his job and keep his identity a secret from his loved one. But there’s a lot more spycraft in M:I-3 than there was in True Lies, and no time for the funny business.

  There’s nothing new here, really. It’s a solid action/espionage flick. Nothing wrong with it. It’s the kind of movie I like to add to my collection of schlocky sci-fi and action flicks. Not a bad kick-off to the summer, really.

  And there you go. See you in seven.

  Poseidon: A remake of The Poseidon Adventure, the story has remained the same. A cruise ship capsizes and the passengers are forced to try to make their escape. Don’t know what to think about this one and as I’ve never seen the original, I have no idea if it’s a travesty waiting to happen or not.

  Just My Luck: Another crappy movie from Lindsay Lohan. This one’s about some girl with really good luck who loses it to some guy with really bad luck when they kiss at a costume ball. It’d be just my luck to have to review this turd.