Rules of Acquisition

If only we were Ferengi...

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.
2. The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
4. A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. or Never allow family to stand in the way of profit.
7. Keep your ears open.
8. Small print leads to large risk.
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10. Greed is eternal.
11. Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
16. A deal is a deal.
17. A contract is a contract is a contract. But only between Ferengi.
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
21. Never place friendship above profit.
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
23. Nothing is more important than your health. Except for your money.
27. There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother...Insult something he cares about instead.
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34. War is good for business.
35. Peace is good for business.
40. She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.
41. Profit is its own reward.
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
45. Expand or die.(The 95th rule is also given as "Expand or die" on one occasion.)
47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
52. Never ask when you can take.
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.
58. There is no substitute for success.
59. Free advice is seldom cheap.
60. Keep your lies consistent.
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
65. Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff.
74. Knowledge equals profit.
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies!
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
94. Females and finances don't mix.
95. Expand or die. (The 45th rule was also given as "Expand or die" on one occasion.)
97. Enough... is never enough.
98. Every man has his price.
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
102. Nature decays, but latinum is forever.
103. Sleep can interfere with... [cut off]. (The rest of the 103rd rule was never stated onscreen as Pel was interrupted before finishing.)
104. Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
106. There is no honor in poverty.
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111. Treat people in your debt like family. Exploit them.
112. Never have sex with the boss's sister.
113. Always have sex with the boss.
121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
125. You can't make a deal if you're dead.
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.
141. Only fools pay retail.
144. There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
162. Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
168. Whisper your way to success.
177. Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
190. Hear all; trust nothing.
192. Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
194. It's always good business to know about your customers before they walk in your door.
202. The justification of profit is profit.
203. New customers are like razor-toothed Greeworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer.
211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
217. You can't free a fish from water.
218. Always know what you're buying.
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
236. You can't buy fate.
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
242. More is good... all is better.
255. A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
266. When in doubt, lie.
284. Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.