A 17 year old's thoughts

wow, she sounds like any smart teenager trying to figure out who they are as an independent adult. Even the mention of being afraid of seemingly everything isn't bad. At that point in my life, the only thing I wanted was the reassurance that it's ok to make mistakes/wrong choices about school/college and careers. You're life is just getting started, not ending. Which, being something I lacked growing up, I instead chose to not choose anything. Which was a mistake. Just be there for her, and encourage her to make choices, and be that it's ok if it doesnt work out. Making a 'wrong' choice about college isn't as bad as not choosing and worrying about what you should have done. I think that's the sentiment behind her mentioning the cliche line : "Do what you want, and fuck the rest". She just needs the encouragement to be herself and trust in herself.

Wow, technology is awesome. The fact that you can get that type of information from a 17 year old is simply outstanding. I was a bit fearful as well, perhaps not as much "fear" as just not knowing what I was going to do in college -- or even why I was going. My parents did good though, it was never a question of "why" but "its just the next step in schooling." So I went without really knowing why just like I would move from grade school to high school. You just do (especially if you don't make it sound "optional" as if there was some alternative plan) I did go the Computer Science route, but not everyone will figure it out on day #1. I knew ahead of time that I wanted to do computer stuff, but whatever that meant - no clue what type of college offered such a career and what I'd do to get such a career but it was a start. I don't really think there is any one thing you can do to make a teenager understand that it will turn out ok. One turning point in my life, during the summer before my first year of college I worked in an assembly line doing really shitty work in 110 degree heat with a bunch of people that may or may not have had legality in this country. I quit after six months - when I showed up on week #2 everyone was shocked that I was still there. It was one of the worst experiences I ever had yet the best too. I learned that no matter what I do with my career, these people were working there ASSES off for minimum pay with absolutely no future to look forward to. They lived check by check and that was all they got. No ability to advance, no ability to grow out of your current position. Is that what I wanted for myself? No. And it was that glimpse of reality that made me realize why I'm going to college and what it was all about. Regardless of my choice, a teacher, a biochemist, programming, radio, television, business, marketing it really doesn't matter in the end because you will have a skill set that can be utilized for more than 9 to 5 in a sweat shop. Simply put, you want a career you can be proud of. You may or may not make the biggest salary in the country or town but you're doing something you can say you worked hard to achieve and have a future in it. The same can go for a trade school if they're talented in that area. Welding, Construction, etc. Even a trade school typically requires a hire education to become a manager or someone other then the grunt. Everyone else works there ass off ten times harder for much much less and gains no skill set or knowledge for doing so. Not sure how that helps, but that's a little of the thoughts of a young kid without a real path 12 years ago. CodeMonkey

Damn, that's a lot of under-current there and much better worded than my "No Future!"-graffity back then at age 17! But basically, that's what she is saying. What's troubling her is that she can spot no clear route to take through all the options that are open to her and when you couple that to her insecurities that are quite normal for a 17 years old, you'll notice that she sees the forest, but misses the trees. She just needs someone to show her the first tree, and what I can see from her post she's gifted with superior intelligence, so after that, she'll quite probably find the other trees on her own accord. Maybe the Dean can help? I differ much from codey, for most of my life up till now, I have always followed my heart, dreams and ideals an never looked back at any bridge I crossed or burned. Sure, I have no home with walk-in closets, a car that's a bitch on milage, a trophy wife and a kitchen with stuff I don't know how to use. (no offense, it just isn't me and it doesn't point at codey, it's just a generalism.) I always did "well" but the word career never meant much to me. I have the cash to life well, I have a job I like though it probably doesn't appeal to many people. Like your daughter mused, Do what you want and fuck the rest, pretty much applies to me. It served me well and it suits me well. I might not pull $60.000 or more per year, but I also have the freedom to walk away without endangering everything I worked for or am obliged to keep working for at all costs lest my creditcards are shredded at the earliest opportunity. As I stand amongst the rubble that's my life, I declare myself king. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Very insiteful little Lady, good coaching? :) Smarter comments here than mine Emmy but you might try and narrow down some of the areas of her interest. Say take the writing career, walk it through and see what tools/education is needed to accomplish some of these different options. It doesnt have to be the college route, but focus groups or forms of education that channel yourself towards anticipated career. This along with projected incomes and job availabilty etc. May help answer a few questions along the way and help the a-fearedish one. :)

em, she's 17, in 11th grade, has had what to her was a meaningful relationship, thinks school is boring and doesn't know what she wants. she's normal. her nihilistic views are a bit worrisome, but then, at 17, that's normal too. of course we could all sit here and read what she's written and become armchair shrinks, but in reality, we don't know her. you do. the fact you've posted this to us shows there is something to be worried about. entirely what it is is not discernable from one blog post. you have the rest of the story. as for the relationship of hers, she's broken up its over. give her time and she'll realise it is not the end of the world. teens tend to over dramatize the smallest relationships. being in a catholic school doesn't help(the sisters of mercy have reddened my behid in the past). gossip about who is with whom and who is cool and isn't is like a fungus in a greenhouse in any high school. college is generally different, and by then she should realize how petty high school life really is. relationsips will always hurt if they end and she cared for her partners at all. but if she really expected a high school relationship to last to the end of days, then you need to let her know how boys that age really think. as for if school is boring...well, it is. i always thought it was, and i'm sure many others share my views. i enjoyed a few classes. some subjects i despised, but liked if the instructor was fun. whether they are necessary or not? well, they are if she wants to go to college. you need to let her know the reality of college. the first two years are basically rehashing her four years of high school. colleges now want a well rounded student. they require 6 credits of pretty much every discipline; biology, chemistry, aljebra, english and even force you to take a pe course or two. chances are, she's going to hate those courses as well. her professors won't care if she likes their classes either. actually, chances are she'll be bored the first couple of years. lots of survey courses (general ed classes) give tons of boring multiple choice, fill in the blank exams. she'll also have to do term and or midterm papers as well. knowledge she gains in high school now, even of the classes she hates like physics, will make her first two years that much easier. so yes, they serve a purpose. they serve another purpose too. she's taking the sat i presume. if she plans on being an english major, shrink (every girl i knew in high school wanted to be a shrink) she'll have to do well on her sat's to get into a good college. and if she wants to have a profession in those career fields, she'll have to go to a reputable undergrad school. most decent undergrad universities don't even look at your records if you don't fulfill their minimum sat scores. but now i'm, just adding pressure to what is already a stressful time for any young person. sat's are not the end of the world either. chances are she won't know what she wants to do until her sophomore year anyway. hell, i'm 30, have a degree, and still don't really know what i want to do, even though i love my job. as for fearing life experiences have made marriage fake...i'm assuming she's talking about your experience because i would hope your daughter didn't move to alabama and marry jerry lee. those are your experiences, not her's. your mistakes. not hers. let her learn from your mistakes, but don't let her shut everyone out because she's scared of doing the same thing. you can't live if you're scared of life. basically em, she's a teenager. the fact you posted on here for help should prove to her, if she didn't already know, that you care. if you did so without her knowledge, she might be a bit miffed you're invading her space, but...she's 17. she has no space. venting on a public blog doesn't mean she should expect any privacy anyway. anyways, you care, that is evident. she's young, that is evident too. she's scared as well. and she rightly should be. life ain't easy. but she shouldn't shut herself off from the world. she'll meet new people in college. she'll have other boyfriends, some good, some bad. she'll get hurt. she'll fail at some things, excell at others. but she won't ever know if shw likes something or someone unless she tries. hope it helps.

Those are some long ass comments, she sounds quite normal to me!

Might try that making the wrong decision is better than making no decision at all?

She sounds normal to me too. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up (and I'm 63)! As far as the uselessness of classes, the concepts that are learned can be of use in understanding the world around us. She may never have to calculate the work being done by someone, but the concept will remain and she will remember that it can be done if not how to do it. If she wants to write, a complete understanding of the world, both good and bad, emotional and technical, near by and far away will be necessary. If she wants to be shrink, she will need to be able to understand the people she will work with and will need to be able to communicate with them with some level of commonality. Should you be worried? Maybe, and only you can tell. Just don't forget that what is written is often not the reality of what people feel especially when writing for an audience. Good luck and keep us informed.

Oh, and another thing.. the amount of times I have said to myself "woah, so that stuff in school really did pay off" would amaze a teenager. I was that kid that would ask the teacher "so how do I use this in real life? You know, when I'm not here in school, this is all garbage." Then one day I find a use for so much of my foundation of learning that I sometimes surprise myself. Sure, I might not have to constantly balance an algebra equation but sometimes the concepts do come into play in other stuff. I don't really care what a pronoun is or a verb but now that I'm taking a second language it all makes sense (so many years later). What about history class? Well, besides making me sound a bit smarter when I talk of world events or use history to backup a claim - it's always nice to notice when you're repeating history, even if it's your own. Lastly, you learn that "shit work" sometimes just needs to be done and whining about it doesn't get it done any faster. I learned that from college :) You might hate to do something but in the end the reward is justified (i.e. a paycheck, bonus check, or advancement based on your ability to work through the pain). All in all, 17 year olds are confused little people and that's how it's supposed to be. Just keep them guided on the right track and that's all you can do :) CodeMonkey

The angst I have for NOT going to college has surpassed the fear I had at the time. She has a well written, well thought out rant there. Tell her mistakes are learning tools, and if you scrw up. take the lesson and keep it. Point out that everybody is scared,but allowing fear to be our guide will guarantee zero success. Great gains come from great risks. And tell her Mom is MORE scared of her going to college! :)

She sounds like a normal 17 year old girl to me. I had two that went thru the same thing. They eventually grow out of it. "Why should I be spending so much of my life, struggling with grades and all of this, when I know the basics of what I'll need in the "real world" from what I've learned in elementary school?" Like most kids her age, they think they know everything about the real world, but actually havn't a clue. While it may seem that a lot of people only have an elementary education, it's not true. As for math, two of her career options are based on numbers and math. My brother always agrued that he didn't need alegebra, but how do you figure out sales tax without it? A little fear is not a bad thing as long as you don't let it cripple you.

Wow.... A lot of VERY insightful people here! But, I think it’s more normal Teenage Angst than anything. That… ”Oh my god, what is life going to be like with out a boyfriend and everyone I know will be gone after senior year” feeling. But, I think Fetal hit one thing on the head, You have the full story. And you have her Love. From everything I have read in your blogs and talking to you on line, you are doing a GREAT job raising those girls! It's great that you use the “He who does not question” philosophy, It show’s just how good a parent you are. She’ll be fine and with as smart of a girl as she seems to be, she’ll snap out of the funk anytime and appreciate you all the more for being there! There’s my 5-cent psychiatry session.

My little imput on this one would be that everything works out in the end.....I went to college at a division 3 college so i could get a better education even though i was the #7 O-line recruit coming out of high school and could have played football anywhere. well needless to say i quit college because i decided that i didn't want to go the way i wanted to go....then i fell in love and almost got married, just to have my heart ripped out a couple weeks before i was going to propose.....but in the end all that is just some mistakes i made in decission making, and now i love what i do and can't see myself doing anything else....waiting for the right girl to come along still, but i figure that will come when the time is right.....so she just needs to keep her head up and not stress about stuff so much, and if she doesn't think so she will find it out eventually, because there is always someone out there for everyone and she will eventually find something she loves to do and will be truely happy after that....at least that is where i am and that is the advise i would give her......oh, and ps...i can't spell for shit, so sorry if it looks like a third grader wrote this, but be thankfull this is typed because if i hand wrote it you would understand absolutely nothing i just said ;)