New Topic

It has been some time since I've blogged about anything other than some FPS tutorial. In fact, I've blogged so many "play" enhancements for halo and other games I feel as if I'm the smiling Bob of 2old2play. I'll pass up on writing those guides and save them for news items on the site...

lemme plug the new guides that will be releasing as news items on the site homepage. I've got one coming out on how to sing on expert level, maybe one on Call of Duty:World at War, and a series of articles on halo coming out in the future. So if the only reason you read this blog is to improve your stamina, er, I mean gameplay, yous might want to start looking elsewhere.

I'm taking this blog back oldschool.

That's right.

I'm going to blog about those hot tracks that just dropped 20 years ago like Young MC, Robb Base and who can forget those kids who wore their pants backwards? I know I did.

No, I'm going to return to blogging about the absurdity of the media, smart ass guides to doing simple things and occasionally I'll write about my life including refridgerators crashing through ceilings and late night ramblings. (all previously blogged)

So let us begin.

Today's topic is the supermarket. I think most supermarkets are rediculous entities. I understand they're necessary, but most of the time I don't think the management of these establishments have a grasp on what people want to purchase when entering said establishment.

I don't know about you, but when I go to the market I'm thinking food. Specifically meat, eggs, veggies (preferably fresh but canned will do), soda some sort of starchy snack and maybe, if I'm in the mood, I'd enjoy reading about Rhianna's fucking nitemare or the woman who gave birth to a grown man. (I ain't making these headlines up)

I want to know what lazy, mindless excuse for a person goes to a grocery store and says to themselves, "If this store had a lawnmower I'd buy that sucker right now." That's right folks. A freaking lawnmower. I saw not one, not two, but three red lawnmowers lined up on aisle 4 of Kroger in my hometown for sale today.

What ever happened to grocery stores that sell groceries?

Lawnmowers aren't the only odd thing this grocery store sells. It also is a proud purveyor of lawn furniture, cheap kids toys, alarm clocks, gas grills and statuary. Yup, Kroger, your one stop random fucking shopping home. I understand these places expect a certain amount of impulse buying to occur, but isn't placing a lawnmower and a statue of a urinating cherub a bit optimistic on management's part?

I want to see the poor schlub's shopping list who buys the lawnmower. Eggs...check, pop-tarts....check, toro power lawnmower...aisle 4 here I come.

It astounds me people would impulse-buy something as pricey as a $300 mower or a 6' cherub in flight watering the plants with a watering can. Hell, it astounds me someone would even plan on buying the cherub. (cherubs are a small step away from pink flamingos imo)

I can understand the impulse buy on that Kit-Kat bar at the check-out. I get that 20 ounce drink you just had to have even though it costs the same or more than a 2 liter. But who in their right mind buys a lawnmower at a grocery store?

The logic to this astounds me. I know the mower is there because someone has bought one there in the past and chances are someone will buy one again in the future. But what crazy fucker decided to sell a lawnmower at a grocery store in the first place? Where is the connection? Hell, I can kind of explain why the cherub is there even if it is a stretch. I can even explain the alarm clock, the grill and the lawn furniture, but the mower blows my mind.

The cherub is there to beautify that garden you're growing your herbs in...maybe...the alarm clock is there to get you up to make breakfast, the grill is obviously there to bar-b-que those great cuts of meat our butchers make for you and the lawn furniture is there for you to have the party outdoors for all you friends to enjoy a potlatch.

The mower is going a bit too far I believe. The only next logical step is to say that the mower is there to cut the lawn so the yard looks nice for the party. Too bad it is winter and there's snow on the ground.

Hell. Why stop there Mr. Grocery store executive? Why don't you sell the car to carry all these things home from the grocery store? Next you should go into real estate and sell people their freaking homes, and the furnishings of said dwelling. After that, it is only a matter of time before world domination.

I'm on to you Kroger.