Alcohol and firearms is a match made in heaven contrary to popular belief.

I also believe that fireworks and fire in general as well as things blowing up…danger, mayhem, blood death, scary creatures, women, adrenaline, snakes, tarantulas and alcohol all should be mixed. It is one of the true joys in life and should not be skipped. If you do have it on your bucket list, I would put it at the end. It’s a good way to exit stage left IMHO. Now I don’t know from experience, with dying and all but speaking from a few near death experiences I would prefer a blaze of glory to a quiet night in a field…don’t puss out on me people…grow some and blow some. Here are some ideas:

1. A bridge, two fares, a bottle of over proof bourbon and a pig. No the pig does not come with you, that’s animal cruelty and would then leave no witnesses.

2. A bridge, two pigs and a trebuchet. Well now, you don’t think you can operate that by yourself, do you?

3. A hang glider, three pigs, a million dollars in fireworks, moonshine and a rocket engine. I think you can figure this out for yourself.

4. Condoms, Absinthe, acid and a shotgun. See the previous three entries and let your mind run wild. I’m pretty sure if I went through with any suggestion I would shoot myself at any moment of sobriety purely because of shame.

5. Mud, gasoline, sugar, Blue Curacao, a hat, a 1970 AMC Gremlin and a solid pistol. What’s blue on the inside and mud on the outside? Obviously, it’s time to knock over a gas station!

I do not condone any action this is a work of fiction, that being said your life is your own. Do you often wonder if you are faster than a bag of quarters being blown through a jet engine? I wonder that about you too.

Fine!