The do’s and don’ts of napkin design.

Lately, when I wonder the halls of the paper product isles at the big boxes and often some smaller to medium sized boxes, I feel that we have left the golden age of designs and entered into a darker more futuristic reality.  Have we entered the Scanner Darkly world of napkins and paper towels, not to mention the obvious balance of softness and strength lent to the world by TP? This is where reality starts to bend and the double crossing begins.  Is it 1984 all over again where the world powers at be exist only to dumb down napkins to blue or paisley green? As a populace we cannot wait for Apple to run a commercial about the fact that the new I-Napkin is coming out. We need to run some grass root campaign, we need to let the 99 percent know that bland white is no longer an option or teddy bears or the same purple flowers that you wiped your mug clean as a kiddie.

Get up and stand up for your right to break from the monotony of the bountiful off white egg shell varieties of paper towel; do we have to discern the market merely by touch and absorption? Does it take different sizes in one roll to trick us monkeys? I’m mean really, just rip one in half!  They all come in customizable sizes, it’s like saying graham crackers only come in one size; take a bite and toss it!

We need to take back the grocery store. We need to climb the toilet paper pyramid of apathy towards the consumers’ intellectual need for diagonal patters, for stripes, for unnatural colors and for animal prints.  New and wild, tiger towels! Attack your kitchen mess like a rabid animal! Go crazy with a whale of a roll of TP, even your wife can’t go through the whole thing in one sitting not to mention a family with three daughters! Your children and guests will never expect the Naparoachkin, to explain it would reveal it of all its scintillating mystery!

Go now, run, run faster, run even faster to your local constable and start the movement, don’t wait to let this old form of control take over the entirety of all products and dumb down designs everywhere!  What’s next you say? Well:

Pickles Jars, Mayo Squeezes, Boxes for all kinds of things, you know…stuff…

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