I can finally listen to Blues Traveler again but not Hootie & the Blowfish.

Sex or grocery shopping? It’s not that difficult of a choice, but why not to both. Cart sex anyone? In the cart corral? I saw some carts engaged in an awkward but possibly sensual position last weekend at Target.  I was sure of one thing, it wasn’t family friendly. It seems to me though that shopping carts are very promiscuous and obviously don’t mate with one partner for life. Shopping carts are obviously not very vain because even the cart with a squeaky wheel, a sticky handle bar and lots of rust seems to get plenty of action.

I also believe that the carts are hermaphrodites and can engage in relations with themselves or multiple partners, sometimes creating chains of activity that stretch almost the entire length of the parking lot.  Most of the activity I have observed occurs during the day, but I feel that nocturnal activates occur as well.  I assume this only because of the one or two lone carts that are in the far reaches of the store’s property in the morning. I also believe that a shopping cart will migrate a great distance to find a particularly desirable encounter. I noticed, to my surprised, that one cart had rolled several blocks away to hide among some trees with another cart from a different grocery store, probably for a more secluded interlude. 

One thing for sure, there seems to be a large population, Wisconsin might even propose a hunting season, especially now that several small children have been attacked. The carts were solitary carts and were not part of an established pack.  The carts were most likely hungry and attacked the children because there are small and vulnerable. They were easily tracked down, captured and destroyed by animal control.  In our community law enforcement has been encouraging people to leash their small dogs and keep their cats in at night.  When a predator of this nature starts to move into a populated area, problems can occur when citizens are not used to dealing with this kind of animal.

Most hunters I have talked to are excited to hunt shopping carts. Natural predators alone cannot control the population and while most people are not interested in eating them, mounted trophies can be quite striking. However, there is a restaurant in town that does have a wild game night in the fall, they have rumored this year that there might be a couple of dishes that would showcase how one can make a shopping cart tasty. Who knows maybe this will start a revolution for eating more game?  Just like venison and bison, if you feed a shopping cart on grain, it’ll probably taste better than if you shoot one in a Wal-Mart parking lot…who knows what it’s been eating!