I often get Rube Goldberg and Russ Meyer mixed up.

So I was thinking about the different kings of earth and how they would stand up to each other. There is the king of the Jungle, which is the Lion. Then there is the king of the forest which is the Stag or Bambi. Finally there is the king of Late Night, which is Jay Leno. If you do the math, we all know who would win…

You probably have been wondering where my blog has been, I know you have been emotionally and mentally starved like that guy in Underworld who was woken up a thousand years early. Who wants to sleep for a millennia, what if the world gets blown up? Who will have egg on their face? Sure you are all powerful and can suck about a hundred humans dry, but if they are all dead that’s like a million tons of roach blood you need to grind up in a juicer! And after you pop out of your stone tomb, I’m sure the last thing you want to suck down is a Roach shake, which I bet is like drinking a date shake…Nummy. I mean when I pop out from a long nap I’m looking for something sweet and tasty.  How about this:

A croissant covered liberally in dark chocolate chunks and glazed with orange like a brioche. Our local coffee shop had one last weekend and wow that was light and sweet. I got a free medium nonfat latte too and I was ready to rampage on the peasants who have been threatening me with torches and impure thoughts for the last hundred years. Sure maybe in my head I am singing “You Can’t Touch This” by MC but vocally I am singing “Symphony of Destruction” just so the herd doesn’t get the wrong impression.

I watch the Dark Knight rises too. I’m not a big fan of the action-less action film, especially when Batman has to get his ass kicked by Bane the guy who sounds like Charlie Brown’s Mom, I mean really, a mumbler, I turned up the bass, I turned up the treble and for the life of me I couldn’t understand the guy. Yeah I know he got his face mangled by the numbskulls who couldn’t figure out how to climb the pipe. So you got like twenty years and for the most part unsupervised, what’s to stop you from building a ladder or a pile of rocks or pounding some iron bars into the side of the pit.

Here’s another movie, Lockout. Honestly, gas the whole situation and knock out the terrorists. Actually the better option nuke it and grow a new daughter for the President. Also why would we put a prison in space, why not in an old quartz mine or in a volcano? That seems so much more practical.