My pacifier would be a bourbon fudge-cicle!

I think if I were to craft a beer it would be a juniper hoppy ale with an IBU of about 150 and I would call it: A Barrel full of elbows.

I'm sure this has been said: "She's so easy a caveman could do her."

If I were a pixie my magical defense/offense spell when frighten would be called "Monkeys in Your Pants!".  I would sing this song to cast the spell:

There's monkeys in your pants,
Monkeys in your pants,
Hell or High water,
You'll never get
those monkeys with monikers
out of your pants!

The thing is Monkeys love to be in people's pants, its because they are safe from jaguars there!  And we all know from their behavior jaguars don't like to be in people's pants.