What to do ohhhhhhh

I started training my new hire this week, I was told that he would be listed under training hours. Come to find out not only is he taking hours from my flat rate, but he is one of the most worthless people I have ever worked with.  After two days of trying to figure out how to make this work, I gave up trying to get him to listen to my instructions.  I had a co-worker from out of town come work with us and agree 100% with my feelings of hate lol.... After all week of explaining to my boss that this isnt going to work out, I was told that we would give him another chance next week. I think I am going to work his ass to the bone to make sure he cant walk, talk, or show up.... :D

Short version:
1) dont show up late 2 out of 4 days.
2) when told to work faster, maybe work faster?
3) dont stand there telling stories when no one is listening... ( my fav )