My Personal Jerry Springer Show

I have been estranged from my mother for over three years now. We had a very ugly falling out, mostly due to the actions of my stepfather. The last time I did speak to her, I ended the call with "love you" but all she replied with was "goodbye."

It really bothered me at first. I agonized over it. As a father myself, I could not understand why someone would turn their back on their child. I still don't understand it.

I really wish I had a good explanation for what happened. Basically, my stepfather and my son got close while I was attending college and working full-time. My ex worked part time, but leaned on my mother and stepfather heavily for babysitting duties while I was working/attending school. At the time, they encouraged me to divorce her and get custody of my son, but I always refused. We had a lot of problems as a couple, but I wanted my son to have both parents and put up with a lot of things I shouldn't have.

One day, the decision was taken out of my hands, as I came home from work to find our apartment empty. She had left and had taken everything that wasn't nailed down. At first I thought we had been robbed because there was no note, but when I called her mom's, I found out the truth. Within a couple months she was pregnant by another man and I filed for divorce. I just wanted it to be over, so I didn't really fight her, and accepted joint custody. She eventually had a miscarraige and the guy left her.

Over the next couple years, I had my son 2 or 3 days during the week and every Saturday and Sunday. I was happy, and he seemed to be as well. I had a long-term girlfriend for about a year and a half and when we broke up, my parents started trying to get my ex and myself back together.

It got ridiculous. After she started showing up whenever I visited my parents, I realized they were calling her over deliberately. I told them I had no interest in being with her again, but they continued to set up these "ambushes" anytime they knew where I would be. She was showing up at family functions and other places unexpectedly.

I started dating the woman that I eventually married while all this was happening. At first, my ex went as far as to sit outside my home and would come knocking when my girlfriend was over, even though my son was not with me. In fact, one time she tailed her and tried to cut her off and was screaming obsceneties at my girlfriend from her car. Over time, she finally seemed to give up.

Just when I let my guard down, it got ugly. My stepfather began making false accusations of abuse by my girlfriend toward my son. He completely fabricated stories, as she was never left alone with him to begin with, so I know none of this happened. He and my mother began referring to my son as their child and their home as his home. I told them to cut it out and warned my ex that they were doing this.

My mother and stepfather did not show up to my wedding in protest, despite being invited. They actively hid my son from me on my wedding day. Unfortunately, the police were no help, as they had his mother's consent that my son be with them, and I was made to leave. The day after the wedding, my ex filed for sole custody with her attorney being hired and paid for by my stepfather. My mother was no innocent bystander, as she also attended several of the pretrial hearings with them.

We went through two years of hell trying to maintain visitation with my son and fight for custody. They made false DHS reports and lied to my son about me throughout it all. In the end, I was forced to settle for standard visitation with my ex getting full custody. I believe to this day that if I were a woman, I would have won. There is a maternal preference, no matter how much they deny it. She got every benefit of the doubt, even though she had a warrant out and I had police reports showing she had assaulted someone a year prior. If I had anything like that going on, I would never have been allowed to see my son, much less be given custody.

In the end, things are better now. I do get to see my son and it's on a regular schedule, which is good for him. My ex and I still don't get along, but I don't show it in front of my son.

My mother and I still don't speak. I finally cut ties yesterday. I sent her an email telling her that I forgive her, but have no desire to contact her again. My only regret is that she'll never get to know our daughters, but I can't trust her around them.