Separation

It's was a really tough weekend and the yesterday was no picnic, either.  Friday, after putting the kids to bed, my wife says that she had something to tell me.  She tells me that she's planning on moving tomorrow and has already signed the lease.  I was floored.  We had been through a rough patch a few months ago, but I thought things were getting better.  She claimed that she wanted me to appreciate her more and it would only happen if she were gone for a little while.  She also said that I took care of all the laundry and household chores and knew I resented it, and she needed to get out on her own to be more responsible about household chores.  I didn't argue or get upset.  I told her if that's what she thought she needed to do, that's what she should do.  Nobody was cheating or anything too severe, I suppose it was simply a matter of incompatibility.  We didn't have kids with each other, so it won't be as complicated as it could have been.  Unfortunately, I've been around most of her two daughter's lives and they are caught up in this.  The youngest, who is 5, has really had problems with it, and has called to talk to me a couple of times since they moved out and keeps asking if we can still go out to a restaurant together again soon.  It really breaks my heart.

So I spent Saturday and Sunday helping her move her stuff out and rearranging my house.  It felt so strange sleeping in the bed alone.  I really had a hard time sleeping that first night and no longer had a TV in the rooms, so I couldn't find a distraction.  It has gotten better, but it still stings.  I still love her but at the same time feel so betrayed.  It appears that she's having second thoughts, as well.  She keeps inviting me to move in with her.  It wouldn't be hard to do since I have no lease, but I just can't commit to doing that right now.  I'm not sure I could ever trust her again after this.

In the meantime, one of my good friends just got a job down the street from my house and was looking for a new place to live, so I offered to let him stay with me.  I have a good career and don't need the help, but it will be a good distraction and help out financially, so I can rebuild my savings.  We started moving his important stuff yesterday (bed, clothes, and xbox360).  At least he has the priorities right.  :)   I'm sick of moving, but keeping busy has kept me sane.  I don't really have much more to add, it's a journey and I'm trying to make the best of it.  We'll see how it goes.