Fake Bewbz

Me no likey!
The other night I walked in my bedroom and saw 2 things that shocked me. First, for some reason there was an extremely hot chick lying in my bed with little or no clothing on. I know, so far it is unbelievable. Second, the aforementioned hotness apparently has a reality show addiction and it was in full swing. Glancing at the TV I saw a group of cute yet desperate skanks trying to hook up with Brett Michaels of Poison fame.

My curiosity was piqued because one of the ladies is just what I like in a woman. Good figure, tattoos, random piercings, and the inability to wear anything other than a bikini. I googled this young lady and it seems that many of the women from the show decided to take their 'fame' a bit further and spread their legs for internet nerds all over the world.

What I found odd is that almost every one of them had a boob job. Boo! Mr. Peenos is sad! Don't get me wrong, boob jobs are good for some. But if a woman is a natural A cup and jumps to a D cup, then she is destined for what we in the industry call "teh failz". It does not look nice. No one likes 2 bowling balls that don't move.

I think I speak for all men, natural is best. If you are an A then be a freakin' A. B is nice, C is nice, all boobs are nice! Unless your chest is drooping down to your knees or covered in fur, you won't hear many complaints. There is no need to mangle them up and make them hard as concrete. Plus, the huge gap that exists from one delicious sweater kitten to the other is really gross.

Speaking for myself, I have never met a boob I didn't like. All shapes and sizes are awesome. But what makes them great is that they are soft and sweet and pretty and yummy and perfect mmmmmm.... Sorry, I had a little moment there, back to topic. Anyway, fake boobs are hard, not fun, the sensations are dulled, and they make me cry. So for all the ladies that want to get this operation done - please don't. Tell your friends not to. If they want my professional opinion, tell them to send me pictures and I will gladly tell them how awesome their particular pair look. (gratuitous attempt at free boob pics).

*** This blog is the brainchild of two guys bored at the coffee machine. My friend said that I should cut out the political/religious ranting and he said I should write about something else. I could not decide on anything so he suggested bewbs. The idea soon turned into a full blown dare, and I cannot back down from a dare. His postion was that I couldn't do it without sounding like a 8th grader who just saw his first nipple, and furthermore claimed that even if I did it then no one would read it.

So Mr. X, all I can say is 'Checkmate, bitch!'