Those Crazy Catholics

Ah, Pope Benedict. The representation of the 'one true church'. The infallible, perfect pontiff. Catechism teaches all kinds of crazy catholic stuff, the pope can't make a mistake with doctrine, the Eucharist literally becomes human flesh, the wine literally becomes human blood, priests can forgive your sins while they fondle your chitty-chitty-bang-bang, dead souls live in purgatory until you can pay or pray their way out, non-Catholics go to hell, Mary never had sex, and many more wild and wacky things.

While Pope John Paul was a bit of a rebel in his crazy 'acceptance of other faiths' nonsense, the church essentially remains archaic and somewhat retarded in their beliefs. The great and mighty Pope Bennie recently visited Africa and decided that it would be the perfect opportunity to blame the AIDS epidemic on condoms. Yes, you read correctly, in Papa Bennie's strange parallel universe condoms are not for disease prevention, they somehow help spread AIDS. The Pope said (and I quote) that HIV was “a tragedy that cannot be overcome by money alone, that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which even aggravates the problems.”

So the Catholic Church thinks condoms are the bad guy? Those things that form a barrier between those sinful bodily fluids? I had no idea that they are just a tool to make more AIDS!

It is always interesting to see what the Catholics newest nemesis is. It used to be that idiot Galileo. Then that Martin Luther character. Now it is condoms. Not the repressive sexual teachings of the church, not the 'abstinence only' BS they try to promote, not the molesting priests, not the Nazi Jew Hating Catholics like Mel Gibson or the Holocaust deniers that walk freely among their fellow Bishops and Cardinals... it's those darn condoms!

Here is another one. I am sure you heard of the 9-year-old girl in Brazil who was found 15 weeks pregnant with twins. Turns out that her step-father had been raping her and her 14 yr old sister for years. The doctors found that her 80 lb. 9 yr. old body was just too tiny to handle the stress of carrying twins to term so they recommended an abortion. Their professional opinion was that she would most likely die from the pregnancy. But wait, Brazil is a very catholic country and abortion is illegal unless the mothers life is endangered. The catholic church pushed for the child to continue with the pregnancy anyway because it is wrong to kill a fetus but ok to let a 9 yr. old rape victim suffer tremendously and die. The doctors of course gave the big fu*k you to the church and went ahead with the abortion. The local Cardinal then promptly excommunicated the child's mother, the doctors, and everyone else involved in the procedure. But it is not all bad news. The rapist pedophile step-father was not excommunicated because as the Cardinal stated (again I quote) “A graver act than (rape) is abortion, to eliminate an innocent life.”.

And as a final middle finger to the church I wanted to talk about their caveman mentality when it comes to women. To commemorate International Women’s Day the official publication of the Roman Catholic Church wrote an editorial concerning that strange phenomenon known as "Women's Lib". The title read - “The Washing Machine and The Emancipation of Women: Put in The Powder, Close The Lid and Relax”. Holy Crap. Another great quote: “The debate is still open. Some say it was the pill, others the liberalization of abortion, or being able to work outside the home. Others go even further: the washing machine.” Right, the washing machine. Because nothing says independence more than a fuc*ing washing machine! So now our bitches don't have get the washing board out no more, they can keep their asses indoors and focus on cookin' and breedin' our babies. Wow! Religion is an awesome thing.

So if any woman is reading this I say to you - Shame on you! How dare you waste time on the interwebs when you could be mopping or scrubbing the toilet or washing dishes? Now, get back in the kitchen and make me a turkey pot pie!

AMEN!