Divorce American Style...

Wow, has it really been nearly seven months since my last blog post?  I guess that I'm the tortoise to most people's hare here.  Well, my blogs tend to be long and rambly, so I guess that kinda makes up for the lack of posts.  Anyway, it's a special occasion and I've got a lot on my mind to offload...

First off, I'm not a heart on my sleeve kinda guy.  I'm usually pretty guarded and fairly private.  I guess I find a little bit of strength in being a little mysterious.  But I've had a difficult year, and I've been trying to deal with a lot of my issues myself.  Sometimes it helps to put a little bit of it out in public view to see what others think.

My tale begins last December, when out of the blue my wife of seven years tells me that she is leaving me for a guy she was friends with in high school that she reconnected with over Myspace.   She told me that she tried to deny it for years, but after reconnecting, she couldn't deny any longer that this guy was the true love of her life.  I'm not going to pretend like our marriage was perfect (who's is), but it was hardly a marriage that anyone (including me) would have ended up in divorce.  We were best friends, shared the same values, loved each other, and were close with each of our families.  We had our ups and downs - raising a child, having a full time job, and going to school can be hard on a relationship.

I tried for months to take marriage counseling seriously, but her heart was never in it.  She had fallen for this other person, and there was no way she was going to come back until she saw that other relationship through.  When she moved out, she even gave me the "it's not you, it's me speech", which for once, I actually believe.  She likes constant chance and excitement in her life, so she felt like she had to pursue this new and exciting relationship.  Maybe I was "the love of her life" years ago and now he is - maybe she has to mix things up every few years to stay interested.  I dunno...

It's been difficult, seeing someone that you loved and spent many years with just decide to leave you cold turkey.  It leaves you with lots of unanswered questions that you never get satisfactory answers to.  You cycle through lots of emotions - anger, regret, loneliness.  Then you come to the realization that this person is no longer the person that you fell in love with years ago - they've changed.  Anyway, I ended up filing for divorce back in April because I had no choice.  All I had to do then was wait for the court to approve our separation/divorce agreement and set a court date.  I received a call from my lawyer this past Friday, and my lawyer notified me that my final hearing is to be September 19th.

In SC, you normally have a one year waiting period from when you file/move out of the home before a court date can be scheduled unless there are "special circumstances".  But since I filed under grounds of infidelity, they put it on the fast track.  I was fortunate from the standpoint of creating the agreement (she didn't want anything but some money to get started and shared 50/50 custody of our daughter), so luckily there hasn't been any kind of drag out war going on.  We've been as civil as possible through this whole thing.  I know that I've probably appeared pretty passive throughout this whole process, and truthfully, I have.  I'm a peacekeeper by nature, but the main reason is my 3-1/2 year old daughter.  I didn't want her to ever see mom and dad yelling at one another or ever get an inkling that something is wrong.  She's never going to remember her parents being together, and living in two households is going to be normal for her.  I love her more than anything, and I don't want this situation between her mother and I to create any sort of disadvantage for her growing up.  One thing that I've got to figure out is how to instill the importance and dedication of love and marriage when her parent's marriage failed.  That'll come with time, I'm sure - I can't figure everything out right now.

Now that I've got an actual date, it puts everything back into perspective, and I've been a little down ever since.  I know by now it's just a formality, but it's hard to believe that it'll all be over so soon.  It's hard to believe that just one year ago I had no idea that my marriage would be over a year later.  As for life without my wife, I think I've finally gotten over the grief hurdle, although I still love and care about her.  I probably always will.  I still harbor some anger over how she handled the situation, but I imagine all that will pass with time.  I probably harbor the most anger and resentment towards the other guy - knowingly going into a relationship with my wife showed a complete lack of respect for me, and that'll be the hardest part to forgive.

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with myself once it is over, as getting back into the dating pool and reconnecting with friends is going to be a big step.  Anyone have any advice or similar stories? Anyway, I know I've rambled here long enough - thanks for the ear everyone...  Oh, one more thing - fuck Myspace