Off my chest...

imcndn

Shared on Fri, 09/01/2006 - 13:16
I feel the need to get this off my chest, and I figured what better place than my 2old2play blog.
I cannot stand my sister-in-law.  Check that, I hate her.  I not only hate her as a person, but also I hate her for what she has done to my family.
My wife and I got married two years ago August.  Prior to the wedding I asked my brother to be my best man.  As he was engaged to his then GF he reciprocated by asking me to be his best man.  My wife also asked his GF to be a bridesmaid, and in turn my wife was asked to be a bridesmaid for them.  All was well in the world... or so I thought.
It turns out that my wife had said something to my sister-in-law prior to all of this happening that upset my sister in law.  Fair enough, things like that can happen.  My wife does not remember the conversation but does recall the day they were out shopping together.  My sister in law had asked my wife if the members of my family like her.  My brother has brought home some real winners over the years.  My wife quite honestly says to my sister in lay that when my brother had first brought her to meet the family we were all a little apprehensive, but now we all quite like her.  I would have said it differently, but my wife is quite honest, sometimes to a fault.
This little comment has turned into an all out family feud.  Understandably my sister in law was a little hurt to hear that my family was not immediately taken with her.  But instead of saying something, anything, to anyone she sits on it.  Again this all happens well before my brother and I make each other our best men, and my wife and sister in law make each other bridesmaids at our respective weddings.
All seems to be going quite well up to the day of our wedding (about a year later).  We never heard of any hurt feelings.  After our wedding my wife and I went to Vegas for a week for our honeymoon.  This is where things strange.  About three days after our return from Vegas we get a letter in the mail from my sister in law.  The letter goes on to tell how horrible people my wife and I are and that we didn't even have the decency to call when we got back from Vegas.  We didn't call them, sure, but do I have to call everyone in my family as soon as I de-plane.  My bad.
The letter goes on and on (three pages worth) about how horrible we are, how my wife upset my sister in law so much:  we didn't thank my brother and sister in law enough in our speeches at our wedding reception: we didn't call the day her grandfather died three months prior:  we take advantage of my brother at every turn.   The letter ends with my sister in law kicking my wife out of her wedding party.
I immediately call my brother to see what’s up.  He tells me that he had no idea the letter was sent and that the girls should speak.  I tell him that the letter not only attacked my wife but me as well, but he won't speak about it, "the girls should talk", was all I got.  I hang up the phone completely awestruck and tell my wife what was said.  My wife calls back a few minutes latter and the two girls have it out; crying, yelling, the whole ten yards.
Things are kinda worked out at this point.  My wife is still out of the wedding party, but at least they everyone is talking.  I talk to my brother about it later and he blows it off, saying that he and I are fine.
Life goes on like this for nine months or so.  My wife and sister in law speak less and less at every meeting.  When I see my brother on his own, he is fine.  When he is with his GF though, he will not speak to me.
My brother and his GF end up eloping to the Bahamas.  No one from our family is invited, although my sister in law has her parents and a few friends in attendance.  I was not invited.  I was not even told ahead of time that I would no longer be his best man.  Instead he has his wife's brother in law stand up for him.  My parents are very upset by not being invited, especially after we learn that others from her family were there.  So I tell my brother how upset he made my parents, my mother especially.  Again it gets blown off.
My brother and his wife now decide they are going to have a reception here at home for everyone who could not make it to the Bahamas.  My parents are not involved at all with any of the planning.  The day of the reception I arrive with my wife, mother and step father to find my brother and his wife having wedding pictures done.  My sister in law is in a full wedding dress and my brother in a tux.  My mother had no idea pictures were being taken and that they would be dressed as they were on their wedding day.  My mother cries for a good while and refuses to leave the car until we see my father arrive with my step mother (my parents still get along very well since their divorce when I was two).  We learn that my father also had no idea about the pictures or the wedding dress/tux.
My father is quite a bit more brazen than my mother, so he heads over to wear the pictures are being taken then motions for my mother to join them.  Pictures are taken, but at this point I was so mad I went into the reception hall.
During the reception everyone in our family is ignored.  Not once do my brother and his "new" wife come to greet our family.  My mother quite literally sat crying the entire reception.  On numerous occasions my aunts and uncles approached my mother asking her what she would like to do.  They all told her that is she wanted that they would all walk out with her.  Naturally my mother refused, but still sat there crying for the entire evening.  Speeches were made; the wedding party was presented and not once was anyone in our family acknowledged.  My parents were never thanked, although the bride's parent received numerous accolades from both my sister in law and my brother.  I was never told that I was no longer best man.  I didn't even know there was a new best man until he was introduced as such at the reception.
At one point in the evening I was outside with a few of my cousins having a cigarette.  When I went back into the building I found my wife crying in the hallway.  My wife had been talking to the best man's mother in the hallway.  Again the best man was my sister in law's brother in law.  The best man's mother was telling my wife of all the troubles she has had with her son's wife and her family.  The best man comes out of the main hall screaming to his mother to get the fuck away from my wife, that she is a liar and not to speak to her.
My uncle happened to be in the same hallway with his two little girls.  He was not impressed that the best man spoke this way to my wife and with such language in front of his little kids.  My uncle followed the best man back into the main hall and confronted the best man.  The pushing started and names were called (I was still outside at this point).  I came back in to find my wife crying and she told me what had happened.  I told my wife to go out to the car and that I would be right back.  By the time I got into the hall all hell had broke loose.  Everyone was pushing and yelling.  I was awestruck.  I literally couldn't move.  This was my brother's reception.  It felt like forever, but I am sure it was only a few seconds later, my bother passes in front of my field of view about 30 feet away from me.  He continues to walk though my field of view all the while yelling, "You're not my fucking brother, get the fuck out of here".
At this point I snap out of my daze and begin trying to round up my family.  My step father was being pushed by the father of the bride while my now furious mother screamed at the father to stop.  My step father did quite well to hold his temper.  My cousins with little kids were trying to make their way out of the hall and the remaining people were all pushing and yelling.  One of my brother's new brothers in law cornered me and tried to talk me into going out into the parking lot with him so we could "talk".  I looked at him like he was an idiot and told him that I was leaving.
Finally the father of the bride tells my whole family to leave, we are no longer welcome.  I later found out that he tried to get my father to stay.  Why my father was asked to stay even he doesn't know, but he leaves with the rest of my family.
My sister in law is due to deliver my parents first grandchild any day now.  For all we know it may have already happened.  My father told my brother to call when anything happens, but my Dad has been out of town for the last week on business.  I talked to my Dad the other night (I am feeding his cat) and he made no mention of the birth and I didn't care to ask.
To this day my brother has not once spoken to anyone in our family with the exception of our father.  My mother hasn't received even a phone call.  She has called him on a couple of occasions and sent him a birthday card a few months ago with no response.
He is my only brother, my only sibling.  I know that my wife and I haven't always been perfect.  We should have called right away when his wife's grandfather died instead of waiting a couple of days.  My wife should have never said what she did that day she was shopping with my brother's wife.  I can understand why they would be upset with us... but why they are treating the rest of our family like this I will never know. 
I am very sorry for the huge post... but for me it was cathartic.
imcndn

Comments

KingBayman's picture
Submitted by KingBayman on Fri, 03/02/2007 - 14:07
Me and my brother went through some shit in the past with his crazy ex-girlfriends and such getting between us. I finally told him that I am his only brother. I will always be his only brother. He can divorce his wife and get a new one. He can get another extended family. He still wouldn't come around. So I beat the shit out of him. I held him down like we were kids again and tortured the shit out of him until he came to his senses. Yes, I needed stitches and he had a fat lip, but it was all good in the end. So my advice is, punch the fucker in the mouth. That's how I woke my brother up.
imcndn's picture
Submitted by imcndn on Fri, 09/01/2006 - 13:27
BTW... if anyone can tell me how to get a blog pic up I would appreciate it! How do I replace the "No Image" blog pic?
Lonewolf's picture
Submitted by Lonewolf on Fri, 09/01/2006 - 13:32
Family drama allways sucks, and your wife was write and a better person IMO for telling her the truth about how they felt about her at first. And if your brothers unstable fucking wife cant handle the fact that she wasnt totally loved by everyone at first then thats her problem. Also your brother shouldnt be such a dick to his own family, I understand keeping the peace with the wife but treating your family let alone your parents like that is unnacceptable.
Liger117's picture
Submitted by Liger117 on Fri, 09/01/2006 - 13:32
I'm really sorry about this. Maybe you should try to call your brother and tell him how you miss him and apologize for anything you may have done (even if you haven't). Sometimes a little talking can go a long way. I hope this helps. I think you set the blog pic in your profile.
imcndn's picture
Submitted by imcndn on Fri, 09/01/2006 - 13:41
Thanks Liger... I got the pic up. And thanks to everyone who has read so far for your support and ideas!
Liger117's picture
Submitted by Liger117 on Thu, 09/07/2006 - 12:03
I've wasted about 10 minutes staring at your wallpaper.
jtgjr007's picture
Submitted by jtgjr007 on Fri, 09/01/2006 - 13:53
Man, that's totally unbelievable. It almost sounds like a scene from a movie.. a fight at a wedding? Sorry to hear about it. It sounds like your brother wife is very sensitive and evidenly it runs in the family. A lapse of cummunication got blown way out of proportion here. I hope you and you brother can re-establish lines of communication.
Cranefolder's picture
Submitted by Cranefolder on Fri, 09/01/2006 - 14:24
Damn dude. I could say "That sucks", but I don't think that quite covers it. I had my share of family drama, but nothing of that magnitude. Hopefully if you keep reaching out to your brother he will eventually turn around. Keep your chin up man. Blood is a strong bond and sooner or later his head will clear up and it will get better. I'll be thinking about you, and for what it's worth, remember that you will always have your OMM brothers and sisters to talk to. We won't let any drama mess up "The Family". (By the way, you never have to be sorry for a huge post. That's what the blogs are for.)
CapnHun's picture
Submitted by CapnHun on Fri, 09/01/2006 - 14:51
At the wise old age of 39, I have come to the conclusion that people are crazy. Personally I don't think your wife said anything wrong. You did call her about her grandfather even before your brother was married to her and I think that was very decent of you. Obviously her feelings of insecurity are WAY out of preportion. Relationships take time to get made, and no one has the right to demand that people are instantly close to you. I feel really sorry for your brother. I would not go into an apology when you really haven't done anything wrong, that just gives your sister-in-law a chance to keep a drama going. The family is obviously one of those that thrive off of drama and crises situations. I would stay as far away as possible and be distantly polite when you have to. I would call your brother at work and tell him you know there are misunderstandings and that your sorry he feels the way he does and if he ever needs you for anything just call. Send a present for the poor baby. I am like you, I just can't stand people like this. When two families come together in marriage some differences about how people do things and react to things is very pronounced. You have to practice manners with patience and hope things can be figured out. Whatever you do, do not feed the sister-in-laws need for acknowledgement and attention by reacting to her temper tamtrums (which is what they are). Hopefully her need for acceptance will modify her behavior in time when she sees bad behavior will not get her anywhere with you guys. Don't invite anyone in her family to any function where children will be present. I think they are all certifible for starting a physical FIGHT from just a percieved snub. Your brother will come around, it may take some time but eventually he will see the mind games your sister-in-law and her family are playing and decide he needs help. Be there for him when he does. In the meantime, call him every once in a while to make sure he is OK. I have a mother-in-law that is somewhat disfunctional and a brother-in-law that is certifiable. Through the years by refusing to allow her to manipulate me emotionally (although I used to get pretty upset sometimes, I found it didn't pay to show it to them)we now have a decent relationship. I love her but I would not trust her emotionally for any reason. I keep as far away from my brother-in-law as possible although I am polite at family gatherings and tell the kids to do the same. Once when they were teenagers, he almost choked my husband to death. Another time when he was giving my husband a ride somewhere and someone cut him off in traffic, he reached underneath his seat and pulled out a gun and told my husband how much he would like to shoot him. As far as his work life goes it goes like this: He gets hired, he does a good job and works hard and is put in some lower management position. He tyranically abuses his rights as manager to other employees to the point where he gets fired. This has happened over and over his entire adult life. I have made my share of mistakes in family relationships and have apologized but when people chose not to forgive and consider the slights more important then relationships, theres nothing you can do (except teach your children not to be the same way). I was raised to be independent emotionally and that has made me strong enough to deal with it. My husband goes over to see his family once a week or so, takes the kids over every couple of weeks and I go over about once a month. It was funny that my husbands dads family came up from Texas for a visit for about a week (I get along great with his dad) a short time ago and I started an email coorespondance with his sister when they got back home. After about two weeks she asked me how I had managed to deal with the verbal abuse she could only imagine my mother-in-law had given me. She thought she was wicked.I was classy, told her that mother-in-law was gruff on the outside but she loved her family and had a much nicer heart then showed (which is true) and that I did not let her get to me emotionally. There are no shortcuts, it takes time, forgiveness and patience. Good luck!
Mary's picture
Submitted by Mary on Tue, 03/20/2007 - 21:37
CapnHun was exactly right. Under no circumstances do you let her draw you in to emotional games. Pass the word (maybe through your dad)that you are still there for your bro when it's time (and if she is as insane as I think she is that time WILL come) and let it go. Having had a psycho bitch in my family at one time also, I feel for you. I wish you the best.

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