Calling all Introverts!!! How do you make friends?

One question - you have a husband and a boyfriend? "specifically my husband and my BF are introverts"

i was wondering about the husband/bf thing myself....how does that work? as for me...serious introvert...most of my friends are either from work...in which case i really don't let them "get to know" me until i feel comfortable with them...that could take anywhere from a month to a year...and the other friends i have are extroverts...they just sort of injected themselves into my life and never gave me a reason to dislike them.

I think she meant best friend

don't ruin the illusion, giggler

Fetal, if you want illusion..then let's go with best friend = girl friend...continue with your day dreams. lol

I'm probably the atypical introvert, I use humor to keep people at arm's length, but we tend to overthink the room and really don't take people at face value. Also, male introverts spend way too much time thinking about the BF = girlfriend thing.

@ alabama lol. I at least can deny this charge with honesty. @ Jcat Back on topic. Live on xbox is as social as I get. I work from home and while I do have some contact with the outside world through the business...I have only a couple of people I would leave my humble abode to go out with. Why am I this way? I got tired of being hurt/used by people. Is that an excuse? Probably. Still...I find gaming with my clan members, a book or a good movie at home preferable to going out in the general public.

HOW TO CARE FOR INTROVERTS • Respect their need for privacy. • Never embarrass them in public. • Let them observe first in new situations. • Give them time to think. Don’t demand instant answers. • Don’t interrupt them. • Give them advanced notice of expected changes in their lives. • Give them 15 minute warnings to finish whatever they are doing before calling them to dinner or moving on to the next activity. • Reprimand them privately. • Teach them new skills privately rather than in public. • Enable them to find one best friend who has similar interests and abilities; encourage this relationship even if the friend moves. • Do not push them to make lots of friends. • Respect their introversion. Don’t try to remake them into extroverts. http://mikehurren.wordpress.com/2009/09/15/update-on-introverts/

I dont know where I stand..maybe an introvert who's coming out of my shell...slightly. Im terrible at smalltalk and really dont care to know those kind of details about random people so I tend to not go to big parties. I do better one on one. If the other person shares common interests, I can be a chatterbox from the first meet. Im not bad advertising for new friends in situations where Im looking for something specific (as in xbox live friends)...not shy at all. If by extrovert you mean willing to be the focus of attention like karaoke or something. Ill never come that far out of my shell. Thats just not fun for me.

I've evolved from "shy and striving to fit in" to "able to fit in but don't give a crap." I used to struggle to make friends in school but by the time I reached college I realized I was extremely selective about the people I surrounded myself with. That, IMO, is the difference between shy and introverted - a shy person may want to fit in but doesn't know how, while an introvert makes the conscious decision not to. For me, making friends was all about involving myself with groups that were full of like-minded people. In high school I started playing bass guitar and got involved with a blues ensemble. In college, it was theater. Even now my closest friends are musicians and artsy types. My one point of advice-- allow opportunities but don't force a shy or introverted person into anything.

I don't have any friends, they're too much maintenance.

im yes, everybody knows im her bf lolz

J-Cat, after reading your previous post about this, I'm not sure if I'm both shy and introverted, or just one of them. Either way, I'm also anti-social. Which means that I really don't care for most other people, and I'm rather terrible at conversation with people I don't know. If there is anything that I would have done differently, it would have been to develop better social skills. That list that ShakesItUp posted is really very good, and I would think that's the way everyone should be treated. If it wasn't posted in the previous blog, then I'll post it here, because blog navigation is cumbersome, but the author of that list previously wrote a nice article about introverts not being defective. http://mikehurren.wordpress.com/2007/10/03/top-5-things-every-extrovert-... My ex was definitely an extrovert, and many times I felt bad, as if I was the ball and chain holding her back from doing more. However, I wasn't. Well, not much, if at all. I'm relatively sure that you can trust me on this J-Cat - I'm as puzzled at how extroverts can function in the manner that they do, as you wonder how introverts can exist the way they do! SC

Oh, turns out I didn't even go close to answering the question! Sometimes there are people you gravitate towards, and you talk to those people. Sometimes people gravitate towards you, and they talk to you. Sometimes you like the other people, and sometimes they like you. Same as extroverts do it, just not on the scale that extroverts do. SC

@ Shakes: that was absolutely perfect! Introversion to the extreme now has a name in the psych books--Social Anxiety. I have that diagnosis (believe it or not!) but have done well with certain drugs. Ah yes, and they help soooo much. I doubt I will ever dance on tables, tho.

I make friends with others by sending them an innocuous message. If they respond in a friendly manner, then I go all out and take the next step; whether it's just sending a FR, or making a date to get something to eat, or go to a game.