Fuck you Internet. DIAF. (Over-analysis of Kids these days) aka JayCat comes out a bit

So. I suppose I should just come out and say it. We have been having some issues with our wee girl. Wow... this is hard stuff to say. My husband and I think that Erica is the most fab kid... and we are not biased in the least. BUT to head Daycare talk: you would think that she is the most difficult kid on record. The facts please you ask?

1. Erica is 3.5 years old! Big girl!

2. Erica is smart: meeting (or exceeding) most milestones. She is crazy articulate. We reads (not memorizes: but spells out sounds and so on). Draws really well: last night she painted a picture of herself catching a frog in a net. Pretty big stuff for someone not in school. Can add.  Also really good at arcade games.

3. She plays well... with adults. She makes up games. Very imaginative. The other day she turned herself into Fly Swatter Girl - it's a super hero thing. Sang songs to make the flies come out. She likes to play games where everyone acts out a part. Anyway: excellent at interactive playing.... with adults. Another example: she always asks me to colour with her. "Oh Mom... that is beautiful colouring."

4. She has a sense of humour and tries to make Sean and I laugh... often. Very funny kid.

5. She is bossy as all get out. "YOU DON'T DO IT: *I* DO *EVERYTHING." is her mantra. Here is where things get sticky. She likes to do things (ahem... everything) by herself. And she gets very mad if you do it for her. Daycare sees this as an unreasonable adherance to routine. Example: they get her bear and blanket for her for nap: she throws a tantrum. "See: she can't have anything different." they say. I say "Strict adherance to routine? Fuck, we just moved, spent a weekend in a strange place (the cottage) and there is a baby on the way. She has never not slept, or thrown a tantrum cause things are not the same as at home. Meltdowns happen when you do something that she can do for herself." Seriously: this kid has deal with huge change like a damn pro. But if you do something for her that she wants to do herself... Look out.

6. And another toughie: She doesn't play/interact well with other kids. This is sticking point #2. Plays (and interacts) really well with adults (see above). Not so much with kids. Doesn't want them touching her. Or scaring her (she's a bit timid sometimes*) or whatever. She will play briefly with other kids if prompted. She is getting better at playing side by side. But she either plays alone or with adults (or older kids I suppose). It's odd to see other kids her age: having little converations: sharing etc. Erica is off by herself. She is happy.... but doesn't care for other kids. This *may* be na indication of a social delay. Or is she an introvert? Or shy? Or hates the other kids?

OKAY: So now the diagnosis from the non experts at daycare: PDD. aka a form of autism. Why?  They think she is routine bound and socially delayed.

How have I been handling this? Not as well as I would have liked to. First I am hormonal, and this would have me in hysterics some days coming home from daycare.

Second: You read so much stuff on line. One day I am convinced that there is something wrong with her. The next day I am thinking she is fine. It's like going on Wed MD to look up that banged up knee and coming out thinking you have rectal cancer (Holy shit: I DO have wakeful nights every once in a while... maybe it's brain trauma!!)

The worst is the snarky remarks from her daycare provider. Most of them are great, but this new one (Jen) just seems to bring up all the really bad stuff all the time. Some of the other daycare workers aren't like that. Candice (for instance) would tell me about all the fun that they had, and once took a picture of Erica and Karrah doing a puzzle together. Said that I would be SO happy to see that (and I was!) Other daycare workers will mention how fun she is, and how she makes them laugh.

Mind you this is a fine line to walk. If there IS a problem, then we want daycare to be vigilant and to let us know when things are going wrong. We don't want them to censor if there is a problem. Like I said: I don't want them to ignore a warning sign if there is a problem... but... a little bit of education is a dangerous thing. Let's just way that if I posted the criteria for autism every single one of us here would have SOMETHING on that list. And Jen has said some really hurtful/ignorant things ("Erica  has no empathy" is one... which is bullshit... Erica cried at a song about a little boy having a bad day. And kids at that age DON'T express empathy the way you and I do.)  

So what are we doing? I don't pick up Erica from daycare anymore... I drop her off so that I don't have to deal with them. Sean picks her up. It's better this way now: I can't be getting as stressed as I have been over this.

What else are we doing? Shelling out big $ to get her assessed by a child psycologist who specializes in autism. Oh: This is actually round #2. The first "round" was way back in October. We (sean and I) did a survery through ... I forget: Children's hospital or something. They also had input from daycare.  The result "Not autistic: Doesn't qualify for help through the hospital" and didn't even get past "go".

but for somereason, daycare keeps bringing this stuff up. And I waffle all the time: Is there something wrong? Will she be okay? Am I getting my jopes up seeing only the good stuff and ignoring the bad? Are we just shitty parents? On top of everything, this has us "wound around the axel" so that we don't *really* know how best to discipline her. Is it okay that she wants to do stuff by herself. Should we accomodate that to a certain extent, or should we push her away from that? No one knows, because if she does have a form of PDD: I am sure you discipline differently than if she is NT (neurotypical).

Anyway: This already feels better coming out like this. And yes: I havne't been on line in a long time. Too much stress at home. But like Sean says: Baby will be here AND assessment will be complete in a 5 weeks. No matter what, knowing what (if anything( is going on with Erica is better than not knowing. And once we know: Sean and I are one goddamn excellent team at getting shit done once we have a plan of attack. It's this not knowing what to do that has us stressed.

Oh: and if you are Canadian: Sean is still in the National Post under "Down Goes Brown". The day he runs out of ideas in this uneventful offseason I am supposed to go into labour to buy him time. See? Teamwork.

* The kid caught a millipede this weekend. Gave me the screaming heebie jeebies.