no more drama

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Erica has taken to screaming at night, which makes mommy sad. Well sad isn't the word. Frustrated, angry, tearfull are closer. Last night she was screaming and I wanted to throw her in the crib, and yell "Fine you want to scream?! I don't care scream all bloody night." and walk away.

That's when it hit me. I have got to stop the drama.  I would never hurt her, but I do have a temper, I get mad. I have to stop it. So I promised, that's it no more drama. When she cries, instead of thinking "NNOOOOOOO!!!" I am just going to take a deep breath and think: ok: no drama. She's a baby, they cry. It's not anyone's fault let alone hers. She's not doing this to upset me or anyone else.   I know wherethis temper from. I get the drama from my mama.  Mom will freak out over things. I mean she will get everyone wound around the axel.  Christmas sucks because of it, so do family holidays.  Here's the thing: she likes the drama. I'll admit the drama can be satisfying (I heart attention). I hate that aspect of myself: this lack of self control. I have to stop this cycle and it has to stop right now.  I do not want Erica seeing that.  I am so blessed that her Dad is pretty much the opposite. I have to draw upon his strength.  And God's too: I really have to pray for  this self control, for isdom, grace, and guidance. 

I think I also have to cut Erica more slack.  We've been trying to cut her down to one night feeding, but she is back up to 2.  Instead of fighting with her, I am thinking I should just feed her. I mean see if she goes down without a feeding, but if she is that hungry why fight? I think part of why I get mad  is it doesn't make sense to me. She's on solids and so shouldn't need food at night, and I will feed her at 8:30, but by 1:00AM she is awake and hungry. And again at 3 or 4ish.  So when she is up at 1, I get upset: why are you hungry, that's not right... the book says it isn't right!! (wail).

Any other "bad mommies" (or daddies) out there?