Oh Lord It's Hard to be Humble... (Struggling with Faith)

Thanks to a fellow 2o2Per I am (once again) inspired to try to grow and live in my faith. Well, this guy, and my daughter. Having babies really does change your outlook, your priorities. I have so much love in my life and I am so richly blessed, I want to learn more about he person who gave me so much, Jesus! So that being said, I am reading my Bible more (going... OK) trying to go to church (dismal failure), trying to contemplate the nature of God (mm going... okish).

What does God want me to do? To be like? What is He like? All the big questions I am trying to work out in my tiny J-Cat brain.

Here's my stumbling block; it's the question of humility. Much in the Christian faith, revolves around being humble. God is in the driver's seat, He controls my destiny. He knows what I need, before I do. (and here's the hard part) there is really not much that I can do to change that. I have to be humble and to accept his Will. To bow down to someone greater than myself.

Here;s the problem. You guys don't know me: but I'm pretty fricking wonderful.

But seriously. This is difficult. Not because I have some sort of inflated ego, but becasue we are not raised in Western society to be humble to anyone. We are raised to think that we as individuals are superior to anyone else. Think about it. How often do you hear someone saying that their elected official is a smart, intellegent person? Or smarter and more intelligent than themselves? Very rarely! Let's be honest. While education does not equal intelligence, most elected officials are lawyers and poli-sci nerds and economists and the like. You have to be pretty smart to excel in that sort of stuff. I don't want to turn this into a political argument, but it shows our own personal hubris. Or when someone does something you don't agree with, we disparrage them. "They're idiots!" we say. Really? You know this person? Based on one act, you are willing to say that this person is stupider than you? More disturbingly I have seen people write things like "that person is so horrible, he should be shot." Are you saying that you are wise enough to be judge, jury and executioner? Again I don't want to argue about the validity of these comments, my point is that we are not a humble society.

So let's bring it back to faith. How am I supposed to worship God, when I don't even fully understand the concept? Worship, the word itself has a negative connotation in our society. When we hear this, we think of mindlessness. Giving up your will, and self: well how can you do that and still be independant? Be strong? Be heard?!

So that is my struggle. I will think on this one over the next while.

As another note: I was reading my Bible. There is this one passage (Romans, chapter 12 verse 8 ) where Paul is talking about gifts people can bring. He's a manager's manager I tell you. Get your people to bring their diversity: let them do what they do well. I like that stuff. Anyway: it spoke to me, I can even remember it: well, ok: I had to look up exact wording: but I was close:

If it is showing Mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Is that the part that I play? Mercy.. that's a tough one. Can't I just be cheerful to nice people? Not ones who are in need of mercy? Cause that would be a whole lot easier.