Dad Spam and Kitty Holding!

Finally! My Dad has been a torrent of politically themed jokes and pics of late. Most of which are so over the top, I just don't feel comfortable sharing them. But today we have some good old fashioned Dad Spam!

Gun Grill - I want.

On my 60th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a shaman living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the shaman, and wondered what I was in for. The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, 'This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will be more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you will be able to perform as long as you want.'

I was encouraged. As he walked away, I turned and asked, 'How do I stop the medicine from working?'

'Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' the shaman responded. 'But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon. '

I was eager to see if it worked. I went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited Patti to join me in the bedroom. When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, '1-2-3!' Immediately, I was the manliest of men.

Patti was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, 'What was the 1-2-3 for?'

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition.

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An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini , Italy , Went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, The man said:

'Bless me father, I have sinned. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'

The priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you did! You have no need to confess that.'

'There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, And sometimes twice on Sundays.'

The priest said: That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger.

But two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.'

'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question.'

'And what is that ?' asked the priest.

'Should I tell her the war is over?'

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And finally, my daughter LOVES the kittens. I mean really loves them. Like wants to "hold them and squeeze them and .." We thought she would kill them! So we have been working on how to hold a kitten. She has got it now! Presenting Sarah and Cole "Pain Train".