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Emotional Infidelity

JeepChick

Shared on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 10:45

I can't get to Myspace from work, but one of the PMS clan leaders had a blog earlier this year about Emotional Infidelity.  I think as both an older gamer, and a married woman, that the blog was very important to me.

Playing online you meet a lot of people, and form close relationships with them.  Sometimes there will be one person that you really talk to almost like a best friend.  If you are married, this can lead to emotional infidelity.  Before I read PMS Athena's blog on the subject I didn't even know it could happen, or that I might be doing some of those things!  I know there have been plenty of times I have played online instead of spending time with my family, and I feel badly about it.  It is easy to get caught up in the online community.

Here are some signs:

1. When you sign on, you immediatley go see if that person is on.
2. You play Co-Op or 1v1 matches with this person more often than in groups.
3. You private chat or video chat with this person.
4. You talk on the phone/email/message service outside of Xbox.
5. You tell this person things you don't tell your spouse.
6. You don't tell your spouse about the time spent in conversation with this person, or the content of those conversations.

Emotional Infidelity can be just as heartbreaking to your spouse as reallife cheating.  Sometimes even more so because you are sharing a strong friendship with someone other than your spouse.  I have found it is easy to step into friendships online, and occasionally I meet someone that in real life would be a person I would hang out with - or talk to - every day.  If I was single, this would be a way to find my "soulmate" - but being married, it just takes time away from the most important person in my life: my husband.

I'm not saying everyone does this, or that it applies to anyone in particular.  But when I read the blog, I became more aware of my interactions online - and how those actions could affect my family.   Just consider this a Public Service Announcement....

Best Regards to my 2o2p family,

JeepChick

 

Comments

CapnHun's picture
Submitted by CapnHun on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:32
What is an H20?
KingDrewsky's picture
Submitted by KingDrewsky on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:36
Any 2o2p members that are found out to be H2O / waterboys are severely ridiculed. Seriously, what kind of self respecting man would subject himself to being some girl's 'waterboy'? (husbands may get a pass on this...may)
ninja_dawg's picture
Submitted by ninja_dawg on Wed, 09/05/2007 - 14:43
Good post, you should repost this as I don't think most men understand this concept.
Gatsu's picture
Submitted by Gatsu on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 10:49
dammit woman! you make me think too hard! lmao. very important stuff to consider though for sure. Sometimes you get caught up in the online community because hey...sometimes its just more damn fun than our real lives. Its not always bad, but like anything else...can be too much of a good thing.
TDrag27's picture
Submitted by TDrag27 on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 10:50
There's a reason why I decided that I would never have an H2o...
JeepChick's picture
Submitted by JeepChick on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 10:53
LOL - and Tara, my H20 caused me some serious problems when I wouldn't play into his little fantasy of a PMS girl.... That is why my H20's are now my husband and also my good friend in real life, that is also a friend of my husband!
TDrag27's picture
Submitted by TDrag27 on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 10:58
My husband is the only H2o I ever would have had...But he has no interest in online gaming...So I was a lone shark and okay with that...And yeah "PMS Fantasy" I know exactly what you mean...It's funny - your blogs bring back so many of the reasons why I left PMS and all the things that I disagreed with in that clan...
MikeTheKnife's picture
Submitted by MikeTheKnife on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 10:59
I have had problems with H2o from Mexico but that's about it.
Kysr_Gal's picture
Submitted by Kysr_Gal on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:00
Excellent article JeepChick - and so true.
Aonon's picture
Submitted by Aonon on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:01
Maybe because I’m anti-social by nature I have never had this happen to me. I have met some good people online but I have never formed a lasting attachment to them. I have seen it happen to friends online though, and lead to a separation.
JeepChick's picture
Submitted by JeepChick on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:01
ooo Mike, do not anger my Blog Security Guard Senor Morty......I think he might have seen your comment! Aiiiiay!
Baine's picture
Submitted by Baine on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:05
Holy shit I am cheating with Rabb.... Thats hawt
LadyisRed's picture
Submitted by LadyisRed on Fri, 08/17/2007 - 17:10
going a little serious here-- I purposefully play with different people. Or play in large groups. I have friends that are guys that I play with, but I make an effort to spread the love. ;) If you spend more time with someone of the opposite sex online then you do your spouse/significant other then you need to take a step back and look at what you are doing.
LaudTrevlin's picture
Submitted by LaudTrevlin on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:09
hmmm...well put...and probably closer to home then many would like to admit...fantasy coming one step closer to reality...very dangerous at it develops and appears so benignly (sp).
supergg2k's picture
Submitted by supergg2k on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:15
Emotional infidelity isn't exclusively an online gaming phenomenon. It happens a lot in offices where people work together in small teams. From what I have read, this is much more harmful and much more likely to happen than a one-off encounter. Here is a list of 10 things that can be done to avoid emotional infidelity. http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscheating/0,,fmf6-p,00.html
JRock3x8's picture
Submitted by JRock3x8 on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:21
games are no different from real life - if you treat it like a personal silo where no one can ever find out what you do, bad things will ultimately come of it. on the flip side, i can't tell you how happy i am that people i play games with have invaded my "real space" life. Going to LAN's to visit online friends (with my non-gamer wife) has become one of my favorite vacation activities!
supergg2k's picture
Submitted by supergg2k on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:21
And for the new guy... what's an H20 stand for?
JeepChick's picture
Submitted by JeepChick on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:22
That's a great link supergg2k...... and Laud you are right, I think the fact that by the time you notice it you have already gone too far is one of the reasons is can be so damaging to a relationship.
JeepChick's picture
Submitted by JeepChick on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:26
Super - H20 is the brother clan for PMS - PMS girls are supposed to "sponsor" an H20 - similar to a sorority/fraternity concept. Jrock - kudos to you for including your non-gamer wife in gamer activities! I think you have the secret to success there, keeping the spouse part of it. WOOT for Jrock!
Stridog's picture
Submitted by Stridog on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:26
This was a very interesting read. I guess it depends on what your intentions are when interacting with people in Live. I interact with clanmates male and female as if they were my friends from home just spread out all over the country. If I lived in the same town as these people I would hang out with them. Also, I know for me personally, I have always made friends easier with women than men, guess I'm just sensitive like that. Would I consider the fact that I talk to people on live, pm, email, or phone from games emotional infidelity? Probably not. But then again I have no intention of jeopardizing my recent marriage with a friend. My wife also knows who my friends on live are even though she doesn't game because I talk to her about them. She doesn't understand the whole online community phenomenon, which makes it difficult sometimes, but I would never trade my relationship with my wife for anything or anyone. Interesting read though, it is certainly thought provoking.
th3midnighter's picture
Submitted by th3midnighter on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:27
I think the key is to be honest with yourself. Do you really like this person or are you just using them to learn how to do a BXR. :)
CricketCross's picture
Submitted by CricketCross on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:28
Damn I'm cheating with 2old4Duty. I'm such a slut. : (
JeepChick's picture
Submitted by JeepChick on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 11:29
Wow- way to make it a group thing there Johnny!

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