*Wince* and Dad Spam

"POTTER VALLEY, Calif. —  A Mendocino County woman who was trying to kill mice in her trailer with a gun ended up shooting herself and another person.

The 43-year-old woman pulled out her .44-caliber Magnum revolver after she saw the mice scurrying across the floor of her trailer on Highway 20 in Potter Valley, sheriff's officials said.

But she accidentally dropped the gun, which went off as it struck the floor. The bullet went through the woman's kneecap, bounced off the keys sitting on the belt loop of a 42-year-old man in the trailer and grazed the man's groin before ending up in his coin pocket."

I was good up until "Grazed the Man's Groin". 

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My Dad sends me video messages via email that I cannot open.  Grrr..

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Dad Spam:

THIS FOR A GOOD LAUGH AND THE GOOD OLD DAYS

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or
So. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the
Pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant
Behind the counter, and she could see that I was new
At it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how
To wear one.  I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.'
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and
Slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make
Sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still
Looked confused. So she looked all around the store
To see if it was empty. It was empty.

'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the
Door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room,
Unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked
Her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She
Asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do
Was nod my head. She then said it was time to
Slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt,
Removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well,
Come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that
Unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and
KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you
Put that condom on?' she asked.
I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to
Show her.
She fainted.

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Dad Spam: Interesting Human Body Facts 

The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm. 

The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. 

If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died. 

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.

Women blink twice as much as men. 
 
When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate...they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate!

Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't. 

*** You looked at your thumb..... didn't you?