9 months smoke free

To start off if you never smoked you will not understand this blog if you have smoked you will know exactly what I am talking about.  The first question comes to m ind how long since I quit well if I go by weeks it is over 9 months. In all fairness, however, since I quit on Jan. 30th going by the physical day well I am shy of 9 months. I say I go for the more exciting number 9 months it is because every second in hell counts as an eternity. Simply put that first week should be counted as a month at least because it seemed like and eternity. After sputtering around for two years I have made it farther than I had in the past. Yet I am sitting here craving that puff even after all the torture quiting was when the stress of working on two gradaute degrees while working full time starts to weigh me down I am like oooohhhhh that would be so nice and relaxing. When I snap at people oh yea since I quit I am a surly old jerk sometimes especial if stressed or upset. Before I was like oh I just go light up and then I can deal now I snap at people for no reason. I swear some days I am this close to ripping someones head off.

Last weekend I almost went and bought a pack since Jan. 30th I have had half a cig and it did nothing for me  but I am still like oh I am so upset so stressed I need. Truth be told I need one about as bad as I need another ex wife really I don't need either. There it was this weekend because  a person who is supposed to be a close friend basically acted like I was nothing less then nothing nobody like I didn't exist. Add to that stresses of  and adoption that has dragged on for several years the fact that I have to testify against someone I  kinda know in court and the whole school thing.  Well I have finally figured out why people snap not really but my sanity some days is questionable. Then people who have never smoked go oh just don't do it don't get another cig you have quit haha. That is lunacy at its finest once a smoker always a smoker I say. Oh yea and Christmas is around the corner I will travel back to Colorado to see family who mostly smoke that should be fun.  People just don't get the whole addiction thing if they have never had one and they try to be helpful but the truth is they often make it worse well just don't do it indeed can I strangle you now really well ok maybe not but that sure is annoying well anyways addictions are hard to break and I feel better for having quit but I am sure I spent at least a month in hell. That is my little rant about some crazy thing called stress and life and well you get the picture.