Feeling Better....

Sorry about the downbeat tone of my first couple of entries.  I recently switched health insurance providers (at a small business, this happens frequently) and that resulted in a change to my meds.  To say that I reacted poorly is a bit of an understatement!  A three week long depression has finally lifted enough that I am finally starting to find some enjoyment in life again!

I started taking anti-anxiety meds a few years ago after my wife threatened to leave unless I looked for some help.  I would apparently regularly go into deep depressions (sometimes for weeks at a time) and would be nearly impossible to live with.  Also, my levels of anxiety were so high that even talking about normal relationship stuff like buying a house, looking for a new job, having children, etc.... were enough to bring about an advanced "fight or flight" response where I was incapable of having a rational discussion.  So, I agreed to go see someone and do marriage counseling. 

It was just like when I first got glasses at the age of 13.  I couldn't believe that everyone else saw so clearly!  My depressions are much less frequent and don't last nearly as long as before.  I still have anxiety issues, but I can now understand what's happening and take steps to settle down.  My improvement was really brought home to me a few months ago when I ran out of my Lexapro prescription for a few days.  I was talking to a friend on Skype for about an hour or so when they asked me if anything was wrong.  I explained about the missing medication and they said "Wow..... it was just like talking to the disjointed Kakman I knew back in college!"

I don't think that mind-altering medications are the ticket for everyone, but for me, the difference is all good!  My only regret is that I didn't realize what was going on earlier in my life.  I could have saved myself a lot of grief, and maybe gained a little self-confidence along the way!

BTW - I am not looking for sympathy, I'm just trying to explain my own experience.   I think that a lot of people are in the same boat, and in an age where we are constantly bombarded with negative images, bad news and bad opinions.... it's a particularly rough time to be depressive!

I know that I am in a funk when I can't even get enjoyment out of playing games.  Played TF2 last night for the first time in more than a week and had a blast!  I haven't seen much activity at the 2o2p server, so I assume that everyone is getting busy.  Right now, it looks like I won't have to work too much this weekend, so I'm looking forward to some quality time with Bioshock and TF2.

For some reason, I am still having a problem with lag in TF2.  It doesn't seem to be related to my internet connection, but at random points the sound will stutter and the framerate will drop down to about point-five fps.  After about a minute, everything will get back to normal.  I have tried everything I can think of with no success.