I'm not standing for it

Generation Timmy – Part III

It is unwritten law every American kid since the dawn of the 20th century attempts at least once in their childhood to set up and run a lemonade stand. I’m not sure why this is, but I think it is in least part to prepare them for the potential of a crappy career in outside sales. Out of the millions of such stands erected during the past hundred and seven years, perhaps two cleared any profits whatsoever…these were ran by Oprah and Dick Cheney respectively. Oprah succeeded by hard work and perseverance. Dick paid one of his stand’s subsidiaries, LDS…Lemonite Defense Strategies…an undisclosed amount of money to sabotage the local water supply tower. Coincidentally, they also got the no-bid contract to rebuild the said tower.

Previous generations actually squeezed lemons and added sugar. My slightly softer generation whipped the stuff up from Country Time powder, which as far as I know doesn’t contain any whole or part of a citrus fruit. The thing all these previous endeavors had in common was the hand-made stand. It could have been a peach box. It could have been a red Radio Flyer wagon. It could have been a ratty-old folding card table no longer suitable for bridge group with a hand-lettered construction paper sign. The point is we made them ourselves. Not Generation Timmy. When heading out to pick up a Jimmy John’s #9 (the Italian Night Club) I happened to see the following out in front of Bed, Bath, and Beyond…that’s “Beyond” as in “Beyond Plausibility:”

I realize that a lot of this isn’t their fault. Some of the blame lies with us. OK, not me, but more appropriately, those of you afflicted with children. Please stop pussifying them. We’re probably going to need them to fight a war some day.