Kwazy
Shared on Thu, 04/03/2008 - 17:57Some observations from the TSA's Can I Take It? webpage.
-Women with infants and diabetics (but not women with diabetics) are exempted from the "liquids in 3 oz containers inside a 1 quart ziplock bag" rule. God help the Republic if we're ever faced with a hypoglycemic breast-feeding jihadist.
-Box cutters and razor knives are not allowed in carry-on bags...but cigar cutters are. Um, guys...the primary component of a cigar cutter is a razor blade.
-Eyelash curlers are allowed. Did someone really ask that question? More importantly, does anyone actually use eyelash curlers anymore? I pretty much thought they went out with the cancellation of Charlie's Angels.
-Likewise, "Toy Transformer Robots" are specifically called out as permissible. Hmmmm...things are starting to get a bit random.
-Walking canes are allowed. I'm presuming that means only the vanilla, conventional canes and not the ubercool hidden-sword jobbies. When I get geriatric, I'm getting one of those. Fuck it...I'm buying one tomorrow. Como se dice "fashion trend-setter?"
-Snow globes are not allowed. This one I have a problem with. "What if the snow globe contains less than 3 oz of fluid and I've got it in a 1 quart ziplock baggie? Checkmate, TSA cretin!"
-Most tools are excluded, especially those longer than seven inches UNLESS they are needed for the maintenance, installation, or removal of a prosthetic device. This one is bullshit, too. A veteran suicide bomber is likely to missing an appendage or two. He could then legally pack in his carry-on a multi-link emergency prosthetic removal device. These are also known as chainsaws. I am against allowing someone sitting next to me in coach to have a chainsaw.
-HOWEVER, a screwdriver less than seven inches is legal. "Shank-you, shank-you very much!"
OK, this could go on forever. Let's speed shit up:
-Other things specifically called out as not allowed:
-Cricket bats....Wicket, wicket good!
-Chlorine....What about NaCl?
-Spearguns...."But I'm going shark-hunting in Tahiti!"
-Ice axes/pics...Don't sweat it, you can pick one up in Kathmandu.
-Dynamite....Um, is this a common problem?
-Hand grenades....So don't waste Perk#1 on 3 Frags.
-One important thing that is allowed
-As many liquor mini-bottles (less than 3 ounces, please) as you can fit into a 1 quart bag. Oh yeah, the contents must be less than 140 proof. I'm not kidding. Even I don't drink any hooch that strong.
Conclusions from Observations:
#1 The TSA is sponsored by Hasbro, Revlon, and whatever the hell conglomerate makes ziplock bags and 3oz containers.
#2 People must have tried bringing some really obscure shit on flights.
and
#3 Drink up, buddy! Because it's likely that your pilot is.
-Women with infants and diabetics (but not women with diabetics) are exempted from the "liquids in 3 oz containers inside a 1 quart ziplock bag" rule. God help the Republic if we're ever faced with a hypoglycemic breast-feeding jihadist.
-Box cutters and razor knives are not allowed in carry-on bags...but cigar cutters are. Um, guys...the primary component of a cigar cutter is a razor blade.
-Eyelash curlers are allowed. Did someone really ask that question? More importantly, does anyone actually use eyelash curlers anymore? I pretty much thought they went out with the cancellation of Charlie's Angels.
-Likewise, "Toy Transformer Robots" are specifically called out as permissible. Hmmmm...things are starting to get a bit random.
-Walking canes are allowed. I'm presuming that means only the vanilla, conventional canes and not the ubercool hidden-sword jobbies. When I get geriatric, I'm getting one of those. Fuck it...I'm buying one tomorrow. Como se dice "fashion trend-setter?"
-Snow globes are not allowed. This one I have a problem with. "What if the snow globe contains less than 3 oz of fluid and I've got it in a 1 quart ziplock baggie? Checkmate, TSA cretin!"
-Most tools are excluded, especially those longer than seven inches UNLESS they are needed for the maintenance, installation, or removal of a prosthetic device. This one is bullshit, too. A veteran suicide bomber is likely to missing an appendage or two. He could then legally pack in his carry-on a multi-link emergency prosthetic removal device. These are also known as chainsaws. I am against allowing someone sitting next to me in coach to have a chainsaw.
-HOWEVER, a screwdriver less than seven inches is legal. "Shank-you, shank-you very much!"
OK, this could go on forever. Let's speed shit up:
-Other things specifically called out as not allowed:
-Cricket bats....Wicket, wicket good!
-Chlorine....What about NaCl?
-Spearguns...."But I'm going shark-hunting in Tahiti!"
-Ice axes/pics...Don't sweat it, you can pick one up in Kathmandu.
-Dynamite....Um, is this a common problem?
-Hand grenades....So don't waste Perk#1 on 3 Frags.
-One important thing that is allowed
-As many liquor mini-bottles (less than 3 ounces, please) as you can fit into a 1 quart bag. Oh yeah, the contents must be less than 140 proof. I'm not kidding. Even I don't drink any hooch that strong.
Conclusions from Observations:
#1 The TSA is sponsored by Hasbro, Revlon, and whatever the hell conglomerate makes ziplock bags and 3oz containers.
#2 People must have tried bringing some really obscure shit on flights.
and
#3 Drink up, buddy! Because it's likely that your pilot is.
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Comments
Submitted by AutumnRocks on Thu, 04/03/2008 - 20:43
Submitted by Armorsmith76 on Thu, 04/03/2008 - 21:42