Cancer

the "C" word.

let me not confuse everybody. i don't have cancer, i had cancer 9 years ago. renal carcinoma...kidney cancer.

i gues i'm technically a "cancer survivor" but i don't feel i really earned that title. much of my family suffered and died due to cancer. i worked in a hospital and i saw many people suffer and die from cancer.

i didn't suffer and i was cured surprisingly quickly.

i was spared. why? i haven't a clue as i'm probably the least special person in the world.

so, they found a big tumor in my right kidney while they were doing a stomach x-ray. a few weeks later they removed my kidney. done. they had to go in through the front as the tumor was pretty large and they had to check my other organs. nice scar. see pic.

i'm the only person in my family to survive cancer. i kinda knew i was gonna get it but i didn't expect it as soon as i got it. i was 31. this type of cancer usually happens to men over 50 who smoke. all that applied to me was that i'm a man, so my penis tells me.

when i found out i had cancer i really had no hope of surviving it. i wasn't planning on kidding myself. what i certainly didn't plan on was suffering the way i've seen everyone else suffer. i had my method of painless expiration all laid out. funny enough, all the doctors told me i'd be ok. yeah right, i thought. i agreed to one operation. they removed my kidney. i went home in three days. done.

that was 9 years ago.

has it changed my life? not really. i was always pretty healthy and still try to stay that way.

it just makes me beg the question more.

why am i here?