madwoman
Shared on Wed, 09/26/2007 - 14:37Warning: If you get fired! Its all on you boys and girls! 
Subject: Out, due to illness.
Hello Mr./Miss/Mrs. [insert boss' last name]. Just want to let you know that I won't be able to make it into work today, due to an illness affecting my entire family. The youngest came in contact with this strange parasite. Our doctor, Prophet Truthman couldn't ID it, and for now, simply calls it the Flood. I won't bother you with the details of what it does. With that said, I plan to work from home and will return tomorrow. I called, but communications were abruptly cut off.
Subject: Car trouble.
Hello Mr./Miss/Mrs. [insert boss' last name]. While commuting to work this morning, my all terrain vehicle stalled on the freeway and I had to take it to the garage for repairs. The mechanic told me the parts aren't readily available, and that it'll take UNSC Auto two days to send them. Looks like I won't be able to get to work, but feel free to call if you need anything.
Subject: Mandatory parent/teacher conference. Can't come in today.
Just want to let you know that I can't make it to work today. My kid got in a fight at school with a real Brute. Busted him up pretty bad. The principal, Sergeant Major A.J. Johnson, called me this morning and asked that I come in. Says he plans to give both kids a psych evaluation using some new software called Cortana. Will keep you posted.
Subject: House burglarized. Need to be home.
Good morning Mr./Miss/Mrs. [insert boss' last name]. I regret to inform you that I was robbed and can't come in today. My wife and I, after celebrating our one-year anniversary, came back home and found the front door blasted off its hinges. The police don't know the weapon used, but suspect plasma, if you believe that, and I sure don't. We lost our 52-inch HDTV, our Xbox 360 and my wireless network adapter, which really sucks, since I planned to play Halo 3 after work. Anyway, we're both fine. Just checking in.
Subject: Halo 3 is sweet!
What's up [insert boss' last name]? Microsoft dropped Halo 3 and I said to hell with work. I need to kick some alien ass and then murder thousands of people online. I know you need that report this morning, but this job sucks, you don't pay me enough and quite frankly, I'd rather smash the butt of my assault rifle into the back of that fungus you call a head instead of being one of your grunts. Piss off.
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Comments
Submitted by naveeda on Thu, 09/27/2007 - 19:19
Submitted by JRock3x8 on Wed, 09/26/2007 - 14:41
Submitted by Flapjaxx on Wed, 09/26/2007 - 14:54
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 09/26/2007 - 15:22
Submitted by ruckus426 on Fri, 09/28/2007 - 12:25