Ode To The Litterbug

Dirtbag, how is it that you drive a ginormous 28 passenger SUV but are unable to find an ash tray or receptacle of any kind in which to throw your shit? Why is your vehicle too good for your cigarette/McDonald's bag but the sidewalk, street or wherever you happen to be is more than adequate? 

I’ve watched your lazy scumbag ass throw a cigarette on the ground mere feet from the ash tray outside the mall, are you some kind of retarded? Your indifference is especially plain when you don’t bother to extinguish it in any way. Just toss it away at the playground still smoking, the kids don’t seem to mind.

I’m not your personal dog walker. I don’t have the time to follow you around town and pick up your shit. You’ve apparently evolved to the point of walking upright, and I congratulate you for that but there comes a point where you need to take just a tiny bit of responsibility and pick up after yourself.

Maybe this is a ploy to keep people away and keep the local housing market stable. If you and your kind can somehow throw enough diapers, tampons and beer cans by the sides of the roads you can keep the better members of society at bay in the suburbs. I’m not really sure what your plan is.

Listen, you are the shit on the shoe of society that we just can’t seem to scrape off no matter how hard we try.

So, let’s try this. Everyone who usually doesn’t litter is going to repay the favor. We’re all going to bring our stuff over to your place and throw it on your law and in your car and on your house and see how you like living in it.  Just oink a little and roll around in the filth like the disgusting pig you are.