Why I'm Not For Mixed Relationships

I'm angry. So I'm putting this here.

A friend of mine for years is engaged His soon to be wife is gorgeous, responsible, adores him and is generally an okay person except....she is completely intolerant of gaming.

From go anyone who meets my friend (I'll call him Joe for ease of discussion) can see he is an awesome guy, capable, holds down an impressive securities job and is fun. He also happens to be a "Gamer that passes." Which means (in my world) someone who is a gamer, but doesn't look like one obviously or at least sterotypically show the signs of gaming infection to the non-gaming world at large. This said, he's a big gaming freak and like me it's a part of his whole, it makes him - him.

Ever since they hooked up while I can see she fits him well in most aspects of his life in this one area she does not fit. Initially, when he tried to introduce her to games she informed him her other siblings all played them and she thought they were stupid he could do it but not around her.

"This is trouble" I cautioned him.

"Yeah but she's amazing otherwise." He replied, "Compromise is part of a mature relationship and crap right?"

"Hmmm. Both ways I thought." I replied suspiciously.

As they progressed from dating to living together she actually began to regulate his gaming time citing when they had free time they should be spending it together and gaming took away from her. So he compromised and only gamed when at other friends houses.

Then of course she didn't like his gaming friends. Too loud, immature. Whatever...

Apparently I'm among her exceptions because I can have conversations that do not just revolve around gaming and I guess I "pass" as well. She thinks I'm a reasonable friend for him to have and she feels comfortable with me. (This also may have something to do with fact Joe and I have known each other forever, dated when we were very, very young and are solidly like brother and sister now). When we hang out and it's just us girls, conversation turns to her job, celebrities, fashion and local events. I'm not knocking her for this, but I'm trying to understand why she scrunches her lip like something smells if the hint of a gaming discussion begins to start between he and...anyone. She talks about celebrity gossip in the same excited tones. Why can't she get it?

She recently confided in me (which is why I'm just...so angry) that she does expect him to minimize his gaming time possibly to zero once they're married because hedoesn't need to escape being in reality with her. (Personally I think I would disaapear into games but thats just me) When they have kids, she doesn't want them growing up in front of a TV (which I do agree with) so she's hoping to convince him to toss out all his gaming stuff by then as it will be part of his past, so she will also offer to toss out all her ex boyfriend pictures and crap. She doesn't know realize, even with my past doesn't understand that I really am only passing. I am a gamer and what she said pissed me off. She is asking him to sacrifice, but her "sacrifice" means next to nothing compared to what she is going to be asking of him. Or at least that's what I thought. But now as I type this I'm calming down cause I realize something.

This is his choice. He fell in love with this regimented woman. He must like her bossing and running his life on some level. And he is one of those people who likes to see people he cares about happy. This is his choice to be with someone who regards something I see as a part of him, a part of the reason she loves him, as something to be destroyed or tossed. I still just want to shake him and scream "Wake up!"

But instead, I'll buy them a wedding gift from their registry and at the moment they say, "I do", I'll begin mourning. It will surely be a matter of time before she either discovers that I'm among those she likes talk so disdainfully about (she gets no hints when I politely defend them), or he is asked to abolish all his gamer contacts forever. Until I lose someone very dear to me. He knows how she is and he keeps compromising 'cause he loves her. I care about him so I suppose I'm compromising too.

In the end, this solidifies my feeling - I am really against mixed relationships for any enthusiast of any hobby/interest that is not causing them undo harm. I think a partner doesn't have to have the same level of love for your hobby, only be tolerant it's not hurting relationship, or taking away from quality of life. Still I look at Joe and it's so clear he loves her. And she is in every other way very good to him. So what do I know? Maybe he can convert her. Maybe she has a secret love of Tetris or Sudoku that can be exploited.

Maybe. Maybe not.

/rant