Dear Tide

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it since the beginning of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best. Now that I am older and going through my midlife crisis, I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white shirt. My unfeeling and uncaring wife started to berate me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.
Well one thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white shirt. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well, that when the detectives w ho came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my shirt were negative.

Later, my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my wife. What a relief.

I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go now, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.