Blogging, again....

Yeh, here I am again.  And I am even still up there from yesterday!   First, I think I want to look at a definition.

Personal Blogs

The personal blog, an ongoing diary or commentary by an individual, is the traditional, most common blog. Personal bloggers usually take pride in their blog posts, even if their blog is never read by anyone but them. Blogs often become more than a way to just communicate; they become a way to reflect on life or works of art. Blogging can have a sentimental quality. Few personal blogs rise to fame and the mainstream, but some personal blogs quickly garner an extensive following. 

I have kept a "diary" or "log" most of my life.  It held my secrets, my moods, and kept me company.  Now, I have chosen to give a little bit of myself to this community in the form of a "personal blog".  Perhaps sometimes I say too much.  Or let my feelings and moods get away from me.  Maybe that is not what the whole world needs to hear.  But, that is me.  Luv me or leave me!  Lately, I have been formulating a plan.  I do not know what the end result will be, but I need to do this.  As some of you know, I have had quite a few losses in the last few years, and, what some of you may NOT know, is, I have been seeing a shrink for quite a while to help me cope with these losses.  Part of my therapy is to start making decisions, instead of just letting life happen to me.  So, I decided to go back on full time at my job.  It felt good to make that decision, and follow thru with it.  I did this on my own, without any "help" from anyone else.  I'll tell hubby soon enuf.  He will actually be glad!  More money!  Less me......

Decision #2....clean out my closets.  What?  No one but me knows how hard it was to make that decision, and now to carry it out.  Sound silly?  Yikes!  You just would not believe what I have horded in there.  Out, damn spot!  Everything goes.  Well, almost.....

There is something I call emotional energy, that I have been lacking for quite a while.  My definition of emotional energy is simple.....it is the energy, deep in your soul, that causes you to be able to make decisions, live your life, communicate with others, feel good about anything, and like that.  Having enuf emotional energy to make decisions is a huge accomplishment for me, especially lately.  Oh, I have no problem at work.  I care for my patients, react to emergencies, etc.  But, my personal life sucks, and that is because I have not been able to "make things happen".  With the help of my shrink (quite the manipulator, she is!) I have been working out my life and, hopefully, my future.  What does my future hold?  Dunno, yet.  I know, I have been blogging like I am looking to get a divorce.  Perhaps, perhaps not.  I really don't know.  That word is very scarey to me.  Even tho, I guess y'all know I have thought about it.  But, consider the emotional energy it would take to make that decision!  OMFG!  I am not there yet.  So, I practice by making much more simple plans, making simple decisions, and trying to cope with what I have atm.

So, for those of you that even care, that is where and who I am.  Still growing, still learning, and still trying to cope.