How do I....

cut my kitty's toenails?  Ahem.  See how we humanize our pets?  I know she has CLAWs, cauz I feel how sharp they are from time to time.  A little history......  I got her from a rescue organization, and don't really know a lot about how she was treated before they found her.  I do know that she was very, very frightened at first and ran from every noise or any attempt at affection, including being picked up and petted.  Well, that has changed tremendously and she now likes to sleep on my chest, purring in my ear and licking my nose.  Blah.  She gives Gerry some kitty luv, too, but I am hers, all hers.  Thing is, i still can't pick her up or convince her to stay on my lap for any amount of time.  Especially if I dare to move, sneeze, or, god forbid, pick up those little kitty manicure thingees.  She is gone in a shot.  Brushing?  Oh, she luvs that.  Funny kitty.  But, touch her paws?  Only for a second, then, gone.....  It is too late to have her declawed, besides, I don't believe in it.  It is barbaric.  That's all about that.

I have purchased some over-the-counter "calming" stuff, which doesn't work in the least.  She is her own kitty, and I luv her a lot.  But, when she "paw-paw"s me (you know, when they claw, release, claw, release..whatever) I really, really feel that.  Ouch.  Oh, paw-paw is what I call it when she is very content and doing that thing, whatever it is.  It is always accompanied by purring.  Loud purring.  Even at 2 o'clock in the morning, if she so desires.  So, getting back to my original question?  How do I trim my kitty's toenails?