My continuing saga

It seems that my stress these days is showing itself in weight loss and insomnia.  Well, I'm not really sure of the weight loss, cuz I haven't weighed myself in ages.  Ever since I got to "that" weight, the one I consider my max.  But, my scrubs that were getting tight now feel looser.  And my appetite isn't all that good.  And I can't sleep.  All of that = weight loss for me.  The last big stressful event I had, I lost 20 pounds.  I don't think I'll go there this time.  Hope not, anyways.

Now, since some of you have wondered...  I am not going to divorce him.  Why?  He's pushing 80 years old, which was one of the huge factors I had to weigh in leaving him.  My daughter once asked me "could I just wait?"  I have.  I can't any more.  But, what we own together??  It will all come back to me.  As long as I don't divorce him, it is all still mine automatically when he dies.  I didn't want to say it that bluntly, but there it is.  Yes, this is my "dream house" that we built together.  But, I have lost possession of it little by little as he has taken over everything.  He controls the money (not any more), the bills, how the house is kept and where things go, etc.  I am, atm, a guest.  I don't know where things are.  I don't even feel like it is my house.  It is his.  And until I can make it mine, I don't care....

Today I have to tell my daughter what is going on.  I have put this off long enuf.  Especially since I am going to give her 'Lucky', the upside down catfish that gson Shayde picked out when he was just a little guy.  It was the ugliest and prolly the most expensive fish in the store, but it is the only one that has survived for the duration of my tank, which is about 12 years.  Who knows how old this guy is???  I will call her before I go back out today for more 'errands', and tell her she just inherited a fish and whatever else is going on.  I think she already knows, but I have to clarify.  It will be hard, and not, at the same time.

I filled out an application for a kitty today.  Man, they want your life history and your first born child if you so much as look crooked at your new pet.  I have my eye on this gorgeous little black and white guy, but I am open to others, as well.  On their website they say black cats are largely overlooked.  Maybe cuz of the superstition, who knows.  But, I am looking at anything, whoever suits my fancy, black or whatever.  I do really need a warm body.

Enuf for today.