Nurse Humor

You Might Be a Nurse if...

• when using a public restroom, you wash your hands with soap for a full minute and turn off the faucets with your elbows.
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• your favorite dream is the one where you leave a mess at a patient's bedside and tell a doctor to clean it up.
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• men assume you must be great in bed because of the 9 billion porn movies about nurses.
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• everyone, including complete strangers, tells you about each and every ache and pain they have.
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• you want to put your foot through the TV screen every time you see a nurse on a soap opera doing nothing but talking on the phone and flirting with doctors.
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• you can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones.
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• you can watch the goriest movie and eat anything afterwards, even spagetti with lots of tomato sauce.
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• you use a plastic 30cc medicine cup for a shotglass.

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A doctor is doing rounds on the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
"Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!"

At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
"Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?"
"Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse.

Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?"
"OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse.