What happened to The Plan?

A few blogs ago I asked the question, "when is enough enough?"  It seems like there is always something else to throw a wrench into your plans, your life.  There's a couple things on my mind.  Ya, I know, so what else is new.  Y'all know I work with cancer patients.  We try not to get attached, but it happens.  Mike was a 32 year old normal kinda 30-something guy.  We all luved him.  He would come to the clinic to visit when he was admitted for whatever.  He called Beth a MILF.  That only made her luv him more.  He was treated extensively and agressively for his illness and finally had a bone marrow transplant.  Don't believe what you see on TV.  It is not the "cure-all" they make it out to be.  First, you get high dose chemo and TBI (total body irradiation ) to kill ALL your bone marrow.  After this, you are totally defenseless and must stay in the hospital just in case.  Just in case happens frequently.  He had the bone marrow transplant, and he rejected.  WTF?  He's just a kid!  The cancer went to his brain, and he ended up dying at home.  We found out Friday.  I held Beth while she just sobbed.  It was tough. 

So, what did we get in the mail yesterday?  Yes!  In the mail.....  Hubby's PSA has almost doubled in the past 3 months.  And, oh yes, btw, you have an appointment with your medical oncologist to start treatment.  Again...WTF?  I know what the treatment options are.  Shots that I won't explain here, except any male hormones he has left will be blocked and he will start having hot flashes and the like.  You might think just deserts.  But, that would be mean.  The other option is chemo.  Did I forget to mention that his doctor works in my clinic?  Oh man.....  If he opts for chemo, he will be treated in MY CLINIC!  So, you wonder, old age, or recurrent disease?  He has slowed down dramatically.  Well, he IS 78 years old.  He has lost a little weight.  But, he usually does in the summer.  He has more aches and pains than he used to.   Arthiritis or bone mets?  He is sleeping a lot.  Appetite?  Well, he doesn't eat as much as he used to, that is, until after I go to bed....then it's MAN FOOD time.  There's other things that would be TMI, but make me wonder.  He has had surgery, radiation, and watchful waiting, as they like to call it.  The wait is over.....

Sooo, what about The Plan?  Forget it.  I am now into "caring for someone other than myself" again, as always.  Yes, I am going back on full-time.  I may need it more than I thought.  Yes, I am cleaning out my closets.  Wow, I dumped a LOT of clothes yesterday.   But will I be doing things I have always wanted to do?  Not likely.  If he is recurring, this will be the last time.  He has already told me which funeral home he wants me to use, and has said several times since my sister died that he is next.  His mother knew.  She cleaned the house so it was sparkling.  Then, she put on her nicest nightgown, went to bed, and never woke up.  Sometimes people just know.  And he is nagging me a lot more about getting "our" finances in order.  He really means mine.  That's another story, tho.

So, when is enough enough???