New Years Resolutions - The Final Struggle

#2 - I resolve to quit drinking

• Why it's a good idea - This one is pretty tough. I think the writing may be on the wall though. When your friends have used your name to develop an adjective to describe an evening of boozing at astronomical proportions (Hence my gamertag: ALLKEVDUP, as in - Hey man, did you go out and get all Kev'd up last night?) then something is wrong. ALLKEVDUP falls somewhere between complete and utter intoxication and hospitilization. Let me give you an example - I went to a happy hour after work on a friday for a person who was leaving our company. Said person was rather popular, so alot of people from the company were there. I was busy that day and had only eaten a yogurt for lunch. I decide to pound Jack and Coke's the second I walk in the bar. Needless to say, I was later found hugging the toilet by my boss and a few others, muttering things like "I have to shit!" and throwing wild haymakers at phantom protagonists. It took 4 people to carry me out of the bar and drive me to a friends house to crash. I had already given my keys to someone else, so I was surprised to find a set of keys in my pocket the next morning. They turned out to be.....my bosses. My friend explains that once they had gotten me onto the couch, my boss realized he didn't have his keys. After searching unsuccessfully, he had to get a ride home and get his car the next day. To this day no one knows how the hell I got my hands on his keys...let alone how I kept my job. It also causes you to bring home some less than reputable females. To quote Dane Cook, "When you look down and realize you're f**king Skeletor....." That's what ALLKEVDUP is all about. It's like Fergilicious, except not nearly as damaging to the brain.
• Why I'm not changing - I honestly have toned it down quite a bit. Much to my friends dismay, I don't get like that too often anymore. At least not in public, and definitely not in front of people I work with. But I hardly think it is wrong to get drunk, as long as you aren't driving (far). I'm certainly not past getting lit by myself in the comfort of my own home either. Honestly, I go out maybe twice a month, and when I do I like to have a Vodka Tonic or seven. I deserve it after a hard days work, dammit. I just make sure I do it on a full stomach. So take your intervention and shove it up your ass.

#1 - I resolve to play less Video Games

• Why it's a good idea - I'm 30 years old. My girlfriend gives me stank face everytime I pick up the controller when "America's Next Top Model" is on (Actually, anytime I pick up the controller, now that I think about it). My gamerscore is higher than my entire clans collective IQ. I've broken more controllers than I can remember. I spend an abnoxious amount of money on games I don't like, don't beat, or never play, and then trade them in for 1/4 of the value. Punk ass 12 year olds kick my ass endlessly online and I find myself swearing at their existence as I fall asleep at night. I don't like that I'm coming up with so many compelling arguments.
• Why I'm not changing -
  • Me: "There's three TV's in this house, if you want to watch this crap, go watch it in the other room."
  • Girlfriend (batting eyes and attempting to look cute): "But I want to watch TV with you."
  • Me: "But I hate this f**king show. If we watch TV together, I ain't watching this shit."

This conversation happens ALL THE TIME when my girl is around, and I ALWAYS win. You know why....because there is some sort of gaming device in every room in my home, so she can't escape it. So even if I do cave to her demands, she has to sleep sometime, somewhere...and then it's on. I honestly don't watch TV that much, at least not TV shows. I can count maybe 6 or 7 shows I try not to miss (24, Simpsons, Family Guy, Lost, Heros, South Park, My Name is Earl). Everything else I'll TIVO, or I'm watching sports (see #4). So my super expensive plasma TV is getting used for GAMES. I grew up on video games. I've loved games ever since my spoiled ass cousin got Combat on Atari (I showed him - I got Nintendo before he did). I got the Master Sword before I got laid (which may have alot to do with why it took me a while to get laid). I'll always play games, or at least I'll try. So why am I not changing? F**k you. That's why.